


Addicted

by discodeaky65



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cheating, Depression, Dom/sub, Domestic Fluff, Drunken Kissing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, French Kissing, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Friends with Feelings, Hate fucking, Jealousy, Kinks, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Oral Sex, Pregnant Sex, Revenge Sex, Rough Sex, Sharing a Bed, Smut, Unintentional Feelings, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vaginal Sex, angry fucking, deliberate cheating, mental health
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:27:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 32,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24163621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/discodeaky65/pseuds/discodeaky65
Summary: After embarking on a friends with benefits facade with his best friend, Brian not only accidentally knocks her up making them soon-to-be-parents without stability, but he’s caught feelings that he knows she doesn’t reciprocate.
Relationships: Brian May/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

_Addicted_

_Prologue_

**1974**

**London, England**

* * *

_ Brian Harold May, 27 _

At twenty seven old, Brian had been on an Astronomy College course to earn his PhD in Astrophysics with a degree in physics, he'd decided to sign up for the London Imperial after looking into the outlooks of his future. 

At first he was going to study English in hopes he could teach Secondary students, but it grew to be too simple for his tastes and his previous experiences with Physics meant the transition would be easy with the challenge he would have liked.

The exams had been murder, but he'd at least spent hours doing his homework and his revision was stretched out and still just as boring as listening to his Professor and his tutor. At least he was still managing to stick in. 

He had his band and he had his friends Roger Taylor who had finished his biology degree and Freddie Bulsara who was a bit of a disaster as he couldn't sit still or stick to his choices in his education. He'd done Graphic Communication and Art, but seemingly he walked out on them and therefore the rest is history as he met Brian and Roger where they became Smile after Tim Staffel joined Humpy Bong.

F reddie Bulsara was obsessed with Jimi Hendrix- Brian grew to learn. Inspired by his Guitarist's own techniques, Freddie had gone and bought himself a second-hand guitar and with Tim's help; Brian re-fret and modified the guitar in order to suit Freddie's needs. 

About a week later, Freddie returned to the flat with five or six 'Teach Yourself; Guitar' manuals and with determination he got to work learning to play. Of course, he always knew he was more of a Singer than a Guitar hero in fact Freddie claimed the objective of learning to strum chords was to rest his anxiety when writing music.

"When I write a song, I want to be able to write down the chords." Freddie told Brian and their friend Cassandra who had stuck with them since Mary Austin was in the picture as Brian's fling, while playing his second-hand guitar slowly while reading the first guide. The hope to be able to compose music whilst writing words that melded together. "Y'know, like any composer, they have the knowledge of chords while I haven't a fucking clue."

Cassandra wrinkled her nose with a short lived smile as she glanced at Brian sitting at her side with his elbows on his lap and chin resting on his palms. "And does Brian understand his chords like his ABCs?" The Girl asked raising her left brow and pressing her two lips together in a plump smile. 

Brian scoffed at this, sitting up suddenly and wrapping his left arm on Cassandra's side of the headrest. "I've played since I was a Boy, of course I do." Brian defended himself with a light chuckle, Freddie watching his actions eagle-eyed. Freddie, Roger too- had made some silly bet over a pint of whatever and the finished bet over twenty quid was by nineteen seventy six, Brian and Cassandra would've married. At first, Roger wanted the date to fall under nineteen seventy two, Freddie however, found the bet far too spontaneous and rather fast forward. 

Brian was brought out of the trance he wasn't aware he was in by a soft blow to his ribcage and his eyes screaming surprised met with Cassandra's sterner stare, turquoise eyes sparkling in the daylight. "You're not helping him Brian," she whispered, turning to Freddie who was loudly strumming Twinkle Twinkle slowly and in the style of an amateur. He mutters an apology before turning his attention to Freddie once more. 

It was quite rare to have such peace when Brian was living with Roger and Freddie- usually, peace was a treasured rarity. Freddie was always bitching or throwing one of his Queenlike hissy fits while Roger would be arguing over the most inconsistent things to Freddie that would lead to the argument changing to a scream-off about something irrelevant. Like a married couple that needed therapy, though, they were just as peace threatening when they were getting along with each other. 

"Well Cassie, I want to be like Brian and Jimi Hendrix." Freddie said strumming, "well not like because that's boring for someone like me." Clearing his throat, shuffling his guide and outstretching his average length legs Freddie smiled. "If the singing doesn't work, I'll have the Guitaring to back up my musical attributes." The comment was an odd one, seeing as Freddie knew of his talent and never let people badmouth his singing. ‘You won’t be saying that when I’m up there with all the big stars.’ 

Freddie simply knew where his talent lay, plus he couldn’t sit all that still for the time it took him to draw anything. He depended on people to acknowledge him and it made him lovable and unique in a sense. He was a contagious personality, you couldn’t ignore his presence for too long.   
  
"Uh-huh," said the model looking perplexed at Freddie's logic. "Whatever you prefer." She added looking at the watch around her wrist. At her ignorance to the musical rules, Brian chuckled turning a teasing smile to the Girl as he patted the headrest.

"I don't think someone that doesn't like Led Zeppelin has the right to comment on this sort of work, don't you think Fred?"

Freddie snorts in response, "I couldn't imagine someone not liking Led. You're lucky I love you Darling." The Lead Singer of Smile stood and clapped the Girl on the back, "but who else would watch Judy Garland films with me?" She turns to Brian smirking without a doubt remembering that conversation at dinner where Brian admitted he hated Musicals, in fact, he said it while enthusiastically gesturing the amount of exhaustion that comes over him the moment they start. 

"You should see Brian, loves a good musical he does Freddie." She explained winking at the Guitarist. "We were going to see... Oh what was it Bri? Nevermind, Brian almost lost it when the tickets were sold out." Brian guffawed aloud, throwing his head back accompanied by a merry laugh. Freddie perked up at this, unaware of the teasing aroma between the two friends that were too close to be deemed only friends. "A fan of musicals? Here I thought you were one of those Gothic boys with Heavy Guitar solos and Morbid lyrics."

Unbeknownst to the others; teasing was the dynamic of Brian and Cassandra’s friendship, they would tease and tease each other even out of their comfort zones but in the end they'd secretly admire each others' interests. Brian found it as a way to learn more and more about the individual behind a beautiful face and nicely worn clothes. He hated musicals and always had done especially as a young Boy, but he admired Cassandra’s interest enough that he bought two tickets to some show she’d mentioned a few times for her birthday and on his Cassandra gifted him a rare Hendrix Vinyl and listened to Led Zeppelin even though she wasn’t a fan. 

It was like having a partner, Brian thought. He couldn’t imagine sitting through any musical with another woman or a date he didn’t have the mental patience whereas Cassandra held acknowledgement for his different tastes that Brian enjoyed making the effort to acknowledge hers. It was a lovely winning situation, plus the dinner they had after seeing Hair! Had been decent with a side course of pride seeing the Girl happy. It was nicer the more he thought about it, acknowledging people who liked their own needs while he and Cassandra enjoyed each others. Naturally, she didn’t dislike Led Zeppelin as much as she used to, it was one of those things that she could hear out and about and think about him. Brian was the same every time he strolled past the theatres, with his hand on his wallet he was often curious whether he could take her to whatever was showing. 

She never brought it up in front of Freddie and Roger, Brian at first wondered why until Cassandra explained their intimate sort of friendly date was too special for her to let Roger and Freddie sit and tantalize and tease them for. They never let a moment of closeness between them go by without shouting and making their ideas of weddings and predictions of their actions when they weren’t about. Brian got sick of it, Cassandra simply rolled her eyes. It was funny on occasion, but it had a tendency to become overused and annoying rather than classic.

And of course, Cassandra had a Boyfriend who disliked her choice in friends evidently. Brian hated him, really really hated him, words couldn't quite describe just how much Brian hated Cassandra's boyfriend who Freddie adored and Roger acknowledged as a right top man. 

“Well of course, Cassandra had me on the edge of my seat after showing me the Wizard of Oz.” Snorted Brian, smiling at Cassandra before turning to Freddie who had his brow raised and a rather questionable look on his face.

“Was that all she showed you?”

What struck Cassandra most while learning about Freddie Bulsara is what a loving person he was. To her, it was hugely surprising considering he spent much of his childhood in a boarding school away from the love of a family and his mother. Freddie gave his Band and their social group in general so much time and affection because it was what he himself wanted most. She found his compassionate personality very inspiring and promised to inherit some of that compassion as it was a lovely way to be.

He teased Cassandra and Brian for their closeness but she knew that he admired them more than he would like to admit. It was simply his loving personality, that made him adore Brian and Cassandra’s friendship the way he just adored a love story- or at least tried to write one using two people he noticed that presently owned chemistry, or had an invisible chemistry to everyone apart from him in the past.

“Freddie we’ve been over this,” said Brian less amused whereas Cassandra was stifling a soft giggle. Brian acknowledged her lack of composure and rolled his eyes 

Cassandra was a little harder to see through, she was a stunning Girl and at that Brian struggled to see her inside beauty because he could focus on her physical beauty for so long and in result he wouldn't catch the tail end of her words. He still had a deep admiration for her either way. "I want it all, and I want it now;" Cassandra, eloquently tipsy, once quoted and Brian never let the quote leave his mind. It seemed worthy to be the name of a song, but he just couldn’t think of the words to write.

She looked timid to any passer, but Brian saw the determination on her face and the sparkle in her eyes everytime he studied her features. In such a time where men dominated women, Cassandra certainly held her domination with her outgoing personality. She was something Brian enjoyed watching, never knowing what she would say next or wondering what possessed her to say what she says. Other women wouldn’t dream of being as outgoing and non-disciplined as she and that’s what made her so intriguing.

“If you didn’t like being the topic of a controversial friendship Bri, you’d both try to neutralize whatever you call your friendship.” Freddie pointed out with an accusatory qq⁰finger pointed at the Astrophysics Student. “I mean really, you never took Mary to these Musicals or learned her likes and dislikes.” 

Brian frowned, “and? If I recall, Mary and I were a bit of fun. She didn’t want the exclusive stuff, now she’s your Girlfriend.”

“What about that Chrissie Mullen? Even she thought it was a little weird.” 

Chrissie had been a friend of Roger’s ex-Girlfriend Josephine. Roger forced Jo to see the band perform and in return Jo brought her friend along and spent the whole night pushing Brian and Chrissie together. To get everyone off his back, Brian asked Chrissie out and at first she agreed, until she met Cassandra and decided to be just friends. She wasn’t jealous, and Brian was sure that Chrissie used Cassandra as an excuse instead of expressing her disinterest for Brian. Brian never really became too sure of Chrissie’s intentions, only that there could’ve been a future- but his eyes for Cassandra, as Chrissie had said- was what put that future into an unlikely category.

She was a little too headstrong for Brian anyway, she looked shy but she wasn’t an easy pursuit and claimed to have no time for men. As lovely as she was, she certainly had advice for Brian as she told him to open up and question whether his friendship with Cassandra was really platonic or one of those hidden feelings sort of thing. 

Intrigued, he thought about it after taking Chrissie out on another few dates and wooing her on the fourth, Chrissie then grew tired of him and left him to find someone he could talk about Astrophysics to. If he didn’t have a priority in Cassandra, maybe he would’ve had a future with Chrissie. 

But he didn’t feel the same spark, only a purely platonic bond which he hoped was a lifetime friendship as he didn’t have any reason to drop her back into the sea. Cassandra also regularly has her catch ups with Chrissie and Jo and Brian got the feeling they were lasting friendships. 

“Actually, Chris didn’t really feel anything with Brian and decided she wanted to remain friendly,” Cassandra replied instead, with a bright smile as her friend’s nickname rolled off her tongue. “Anyway, I have a date on Saturday. If it satisfies you Mr Bulsara.” Cassandra then smiled once more, “Albert got us a reservation to some posh place and well I’m quite interested to see how it goes.”

Brian tensed up slightly as that thought. Cassandra like Chrissie, wasn’t an easy pursuit and there had to be something eye-catching for her to allow herself to be wooed. 

But unlike Chrissie, Cassandra was a vulnerable Girl who grew up in the modelling world. A world that created emotional chaos for her as she couldn’t stand to look in the mirror after every critical Agent and magazine tore her confidence to shreds with words that a Girl like her didn’t deserve to hear. 

Her Boyfriend, Albert, well something about him simply wasn’t to his full preference of who Cassandra should be going out with. Maybe he was jealous, Brian denied it but didn’t tick it off the list of possibilities. He had an eye for Cassandra who on the outside looked like the confident walkway model with a sense of humour and a mischevious glint in her eye, but Brian had met the insecure and emotionally confused Girl who was screaming at the top of her lungs- Brian felt understood as she suffered in someway the way he did with his own spells of depression and she listened with a twinkle in her eyes just as he did the same for her.

Freddie had snorted at Cassandra’s announcement almost incredulously but more disbelievingly. “Well tell him Brian and I said hello when you see him, or don't worry if you forget.” He exclaimed followed by the chortle of loud laughter. "Then again, I'm sure you won't forget about Brian, it's Albert you'll forget about." Brian noticed Cassandra’s furious blush as she covered her face with a delicate hand, the Girl seemed obviously hesitant but confident and Freddie by all means had an nondeliberate way of ruining it. 

“Fred!” Brian exclaimed with wide eyes and a scowl that appeared shortly after. The lead singer of Smile threw his hands up in mock defense muttering the word sorry. 

“Well again, Brian you both do have a controversial relationship.” He argued much to Brian’s annoyance. "I wouldn't be surprised if you've been on their dates or snagged her behind her boyfriend's back, the chemistry never lies." 

“Coming from the man who's now dating my ex.”

"The chemistry never lies.”

  
  
  



	2. I'll Always Love Another

_Addicted_

_Chapter One: I'll always love another_

**1974**

**London, England**

* * *

Brian Harold May, 27

"Goodnight my beauties! From me and the Boys! From Queen" 

Freddie was running, Roger was laughing at the mess he made. At first, Brian was going to kill him but Roger did warn them he was going to throw his drumsticks into the crowd and then jump off the drumrisers kicking thin air and as much as the idea sounded ridiculous and the Guitarist actually thought he was joking; he warned them and Brian couldn't scold them, just focused on running with the Red Special in his hands to backstage where Freddie was laughing merrily.

"What a show that was, Rog!" Freddie exclaims, patting the Drummer on the back. "Though, I thought you were actually joking about kicking Deaky." John merely glared at them both, "thought I was going to fucking die because you did that." The Bassist said lowly, Brian left them walking to his Dressing Room- Practise Room he called it as the name felt more appropriate. Following a bickering Drummer and Bassist.

"What if my Bass Bas-whipped me in the face."   
  
"Aah, shut up Deaks you're alive."

"Freddie that was amazing."

But Brian stops mid-track, hearing her voice.

She was there looking excited as she proceeded towards them smiling her smile that meant she was being genuine and the optimistic personality of hers made it hard for him not to smile a toothy grin in reaction to her presence at the doorway. She engaged in conversation with the charming lead singer, hugging him tightly before her eyes set on Brian and she did the same only Freddie smirked, winked and deliberately left them alone in the backstage area with nothing but a silently lipped good luck. It would be so much as unlikely that John and Roger would appear themselves as they had retreated.

"You were really brilliant up there," she said with a light blush pulling away from his warmth. Her eyes were wide and shining as she continued her flush of compliments, taking the Red Special from his grasp and strumming her strings softly. "How do you feel now it's over done then, Big Rockstar?"   
  
_Rockstar?_ The blush appearing on his cheeks and neck was inevitable and noticeable, hiding his nervousness with a breathy chuckle taking the Guitar and placing her in her case Brian felt unsure how to muster his feelings to someone he felt he was in love with. "Rockstar? How kind." He replied turning to face her, "I think that should be said to Freddie not me."  _ Stop talking about Freddie !  _ He scratches the back of his neck tickled by brunette curls. 

Cassandra had merely laughed, strawberry blonde hair cascading past her elbows as she wrinkled her nose crossing her arms over her chest. "Freddie isn't playing a handmade Guitar is he? Strange I must've missed that part." The way she could laugh with such a bubbly personality sort of laugh was beyond Brian, inspecting absent imperfections resulted in his discovery that she was wearing a layer of foundation over her freckles and for some reason he preferred her natural makeup free more than her aesthetic appearance. "I thought you played wonderfully, I'd kiss you on the cheek but you're sweaty and I spent too long doing my makeup." 

"Is that how it is?" He asks with a chuckle, grabbing the dry cloth on the table and thoroughly scrubbing at his glistening face. "Funny, number one fans would be  _ blessed  _ to so much as touch their idols don't you agree? Sweaty or desert dry." She scoffs ruffling up his curls and in retaliation he playfully throws the damp cloth at her chest. "Who said anything about idols? I'm sorry but I'll always love a Beatle more than a Queen." 

"And I'll always love another model, more than a certain model." He replies teasingly, sitting down. "Don't lie Brian, I'm the only model you'll ever love." She replies, "Twiggy doesn't know shit about reflected light from implimentary dust or the velocity of dust in the plane of the solar system." She reasoned with a smile, Brian snorted laughing heartidly at her correction, feeling slightly relieved that someone seemed to have listened to his ambitious talks of earning his phd Degree. Inside, his thoughts were swirling; not even his Bandmates could name his degree correctly, and she of all, could.

"Don't s'ppose she does, no." Reasons Brian smiling softly, feeling the silence seep through the sweet moment of congrats for such an electrifying moment; Brian studied the Girl in front of him, she returned the action before silently he lifted one hand, combing his fingers through her scented strawberry blonde curls. "Anyways, where've you been dressed up like that? You put me to shame, love."

_Love_ , Cassandra narrowed her eyes at the word. Her Parents called each other love. Hearing Brian say it, made it so. _Natural_. _Normal_. She didn't like it, or loathe it but certainly didn't make a comment on it, he looked like he was beating himself for it.

She smiled sadly, "Oh? This?" She asks playing with the materials of her short dress. "I had a shoot with Mary Quant and I didn’t have time to change before you guys were starting so I left it on."

"Ah, well," he blushed looking her over. "You look lovely, it really compliments your blue eyes."

Anyone could've said it, but Brian felt extra embarrassed. Grimacing, he looked away muttering a quiet "sorry" loud enough to be heard. The trouble was that he found she did look good in a white dress donned with little blue polka dots, and the length exceeding above her thigh because she also sat with her tights donned knees to her chest wasn't helping his mentally curious mind. Eyes drifting up and down her legs, stopping when he shrugs off her hand on his shoulder. "I shouldn't really tell you that 'specially since you have someone who tells you the same thing.”

He wanted to slap himself across the face feeling the nice and warm moment turn awkward and full of burning tension, every glance shared similar to daggers being thrown. He must've been the only one feeling that way, Cassandra's smiling and her eyes had brightened almost like someone had switched on a light in her sparkling eyes. Why did he have to be so awkward, why did he feel so nervous at the sight of her dressed up. Albert never seemed to think she looked all that wonderful, at dinner, he ordered for her the least fattening of meals because he believed she was putting on weight. When dessert came around, Albert decided it was time to leave as his girlfriend needed to cut back. He even told her that she looked chubby in her dress that she spent a fortune on.

"No, no, no." She chuckled, stopping a second later as the silence mixed with soft music blaring and Freddie's emphasised laughter echoing

from the outside. "Means a lot, actually." She sighed, hugging her body slightly self conscious at his unintentional eyes wandering. "I've been dropped, apparently the men of fashion want prettier Girls and womanly women."

He knew how the industry had meant a lot to her. He felt a little angry on her behalf, snorting roughly and laughing sourly. " _Prettier Girls and womanly women?_ " He asked, eyebrow raised as he took in blue eyes welling with tears. What sexist pigs, he couldn't help think of ideas of men behind desks searching through photos of Girls finding the ones that looked the most tarty with eyeliner thicker than tar and lashes longer and faker than artificial grass. If that's what pretty Girls and Womanly Women are according to the minds of men, Brian felt lesser man than most. He could laugh aloud at the presumptuous words of Agents looking for money from naïve women, but the Girl at his side wasn't positioned to hear his raging laughter- he felt awful for her, he wanted to hold her like his Mother used to whenever he got bullied at school and named weird by the children in his class, the trouble was that he couldn't make his nervous limbs move.

"Well _Fuck_ what they think," he said rather boldly making her look at him taken aback but his use of obscene words. "I don't want a Wife who spends more time indulging in her Chanel to love me like I love her."

"It's not that I'm most hurt about," replied Cassandra softly frowning, "they dropped me because I'm seven stone, that means I've put on almost a stone."

" _And_?" Brian asked, growing impulsive and cupping her face in his two large hands. "Six stone, _hell_! Seven isn't healthy. I don't care for Twiggy that much or whoever else walks around skinnier than that, but why live in their shadow just because some sexist bastards can't look at you and blush."

Brian lost track of his words, his mind- some new feeling taking over him as he continued to stare into her eyes.

"I think you're a sight, a very pleasing sight. Freddie idolises you because of your looks and Roger if given the chance would put his cock in you. And you know what? _I would_ if you didn’t have someone at home waiting for you. I’d treat you the way I think you deserve to be treated."

It felt like one of the most sexually charged and intense scenes in all of Brian May's life- Cassandra's too.

The face holding. The tears. The eye contact.

The slow push in, it was soft, tentative and something close to a fairytale ending, then, it was rough and hungry and full of want, and she knew in that moment that he desired something more. She had never in her life gone this far with anyone, never at all. She admitted within herself that she'd imagined this moment, especially with Brian who treated her the way she felt she didn't deserve but adored regardless. He was handsome, his chestnut brown hair soft curls resting on his skinny and bony shoulders, paleish skin with a bashful blush emphasising his cheekbones and melting warm honeylike hazel eyes. He wasn't like other men, what women expected, he wasn't overly handsome, but Brian was a model of perfection in her own eyes.

Her fingers skated up through his cascading curls before trailing across his hard shoulders, his strong back, his broad, solid chest. He seemed to tense at the feeling of her hands. To him, she was a complete nuisance, donned in her pretty little summer dresses and plunging necklines making him hardy and needy for her. He thought of doing nothing more than making her his own. 

Only to be stopped pretty much by an invisible bee.

Brian wanted to hate on that bee so badly, but that Bee became Cassandra’s boyfriend. Cassandra’s feelings that he hadn’t considered until that moment. This moment encapsulated what he hated about the dynamic: he fancied her, but life, his one-sided feelings and his anxieties of rejection was getting in the way.

He was also scared Roger and/or Freddie might see and tease him without mercy.

He pulled away urgent and terrified while Cassandra only stared at him in shock. "I- Sorry, I shouldn't have done it." He apologised getting hot and heavy, "It's fine, that was my mistake," she breathed fingers pressed on her kissed lips. Her pupils were dilated in the heat of that moment, Brian couldn't stop gazing at them until the black shrinks and her eyes are blue once more, like an endless ocean. Lustful blue eyes and a longful gaze told him she would've kissed him if he never pulled back, part of him regret pulling away but part of him understood reality and an emotional console. Trying to get inside her mind, Brian blinks, replaying her previous words back in his mind.

Brian would've shown her just how beautiful she was in his eyes in the blink of an eye for as many blinks as she wished.

"You're a really good friend Bri, I feel lucky to have you."

Smiling back, Brian shrugged his shoulders. “You too.” Leading her to the door, Brian opened the door. “Can you go and tell the boys I’ll be ready in a minute, I need to change my t-shirt.” 

“Of course, see you in a minute.”

He shut the door and leaned against it sucking a deep breath in. He makes his way to the chair sitting in front of a desk and sits himself down with his legs spread. 

He unzipped his tight jeans and released his cock, hard and slapping against his clothed stomach. One hand wrapped firmly around his aching cock, jeans not even pulled down, his cock simply pulled out above the constricting waistband. He made soft, deep moans and a symphony of growls. 

His other hand was clutching his thigh, eyes clenched tightly shut as he imagined that his hand was Cassandra around him. He runs his thumb over the tip of his cock, letting out a small whimper at the immeasurable pleasure he was feeling. Imagining her soft cries and hums of his name as she presses her lips to his own mingling their tongues together in a dance. Imagining her coming apart underneath him, her head thrown back in ecstasy as his cock hammered in and out of her against the sink.

His cock absolutely throbbed in his hand as he threatened to spill. He panted, moaning out at the feeling. It didn’t take him very long before rope after rope of his burning orgasm, he moans out loud watching the creamy mass of cum oozing out his swollen cock and dripping down to his balls, almost covering his entire length.

He takes a moment to steady his breathing, to come down from his high, before he stands taller, tucking his softening, still throbbing cock back into jeans. He knew he was wrong for doing that, especially in a place where anyone could’ve walked in. He knew morally, it was disgusting to imagine his best friend bent over the table while he pounded her from behind, but it was involuntary. He needed that release and it had felt great. 

The longer he sat there, in silence, the more Brian questioned his predicament. Queen were going on tour in less than two months, God knows how long that tour would last and how long he’d go without seeing Cassandra, hearing her voice. The thought was definitely provoking him, he hadn’t thought all about the upcoming tour. 

Nervously, Brian smiled. Freddie would probably bring Mary, John and Veronica and Roger would be looking at the groupies for his pleasure, leaving Brian alone without the comfort. Cassandra had a boyfriend, she had a life that was different to Brian’s but Brian felt determined to make ends meet. Should he ask her to go on the tour with them? It sounded silly when he thought of it, but she’d agreed to loads of things related to the band like supporting them on their first concert down in Truro, Roger’s hometown. 

With a sad smile, he checked himself out in the mirror adjusting his curls before swiftly with a leap in his step making his way to find everyone with the question burning in his head. 

_ Cassandra, will you come to America with us? _


	3. Drunken Love

_ Addicted _

_ Chapter Two: Drunken Love _

**1974**

**London, England**

* * *

_ Cassandra Sophia  Barnes, 26 _

"Brian there you are." 

She was shoving past the crowds towards him, a glass in each hand. She inches one into her own hand with a slight smile. "Where's the others?" He asks above the constant noise that seems to grow louder every second that passes. 

"I thought you’d know," She replied back sipping her drink as they head to the practise room. "But I don't know, I lost them ages ago."

An hour later and five glasses later, she was drunk. From a distance away, she could clearly see Roger using all of his nights energy to impress the redhead that stood directly infront of him. The night had been pleasing and generous to the boys so far; Cassandra had to admit, and certainly if it wasn't for Brian being the Gentleman he was and sitting drinking with her, she either would've gone home alone sooner or stayed at the bar drunk beyond consciousness and vulnerable to any sleaze around.

With her long slender fingers, Cassandra holds the nearby pint and downed the rest of it, throwing the glass on the floor, startling a group of women nearby. She marched back into the dance floor and upon spotting Brian, stole him away from the girl he was dancing with, who seemed eager for the tall and lanky questionable haired man to take her there and then. Brian, was looking at her and not the Girl who danced beside him. He immediately perked slightly, eyes lighting and stepping toward the strawberry blonde approaching him with a smile he couldn't understand.

"You alright?" he asked with a grin fit for a nervous schoolboy as they joined arms and spun. Cassandra was drunk to the extent she was losing her once steady grip on her balance and before she knew it, was stumbling into Brian's extended arms. They both made their way out of the dance floor and stumbled to a nearby wall where she gripped the railing to the behind the stage stairway, taking deep breaths. Their eyes meeting, stomachs churning with alcohol threatening to ruin their time alone. "You look a bit green," Brian said, his speech slightly slurred. Cassandra was holding back a laugh, her baby blue eyes wide and sparkling as she watched him stumble beside her and she found herself observing him while adjusting her natural tight waves and she silently concluded with amusement that he had been drinking too much as well!

She glanced at him. His hair, beside the fact it was a natural long and at the moment a wavy threatening to bounce into curls mess, was uncharacteristically untidy and he had sweat on his brow. His shoes were scuffed from all the performing with the band and the excess dancing they had done without the boys around.

Without a second thought, without even a warning or consideration for her actions Cassandra was throwing her drunk self at Brian and for a split second in his arms, paused and looked into his hazel eyes, before standing on her tiptoes and smashing her mouth against his; it sparked feelings through her veins that she couldn't properly explain, the one sided energy of her part against his confused and motionless body, she was coaxing him really. 

Brian was shocked for a moment, taken aback by how she grabbed his hands and held him against her, but only for a moment as the shock was replaced with a fiery and drunken lust for her and he relaxed and wrapped his arms around her waist, leaning himself closer. It makes warmth and those walls that were once there between them were now broken down smashed brick for brick into smithereens. He was smelling strongly of beer and a lingering pleasant aftershave but at this stage of alcohol intoxication she wasn't caring about any scent, she couldn't even remember briefly when the last time she had been kissed by a man really was. 

They broke apart like the dramatic finish to a dance, both panting, and Goosebumps invading their bodies with heated desires but fire sparkled in his eyes. They were both drunk, she knows that wondering if he also knows, but it's good, if not excellent to be held in a man's arms once more.

In an instant Brian took her hand and led her away. Cassandra followed eagerly, anxious to be kissed once more. The room was spinning but the only thing she could clearly focus was her hand in his. Stumbling, they made their way out into the practise room where he grabbed her and kissed her once more. Pressed up against the wall, she wrapped her arms around his neck, grabbing handfuls of his curly, frizzy hair, keeping him close to her. Intoxicated, they stumbled to and from in the hallway until Cassandra found herself pressed against the door to the stairwell. Giggling aloud, she opened it and they tumbled into the open door together, Brian landing on top of her.

"My, my," She said practically breathless, thinking hard about her words as she tried to get a grip on which way up and down was. "What would Roger be thinking when he finds out you got down and dirty in public before him, eh?" Her hair was almost completely dishevelled from the neat and time consuming ponytail to a wavy mess of stray hair all over. Not wishing to think at all of his best friend, Brian ignored the question, smirking a little as he helped her up. She pressed him up against the wall, sending him toppling back down so he was sitting on a stair. She climbed into his lap, their finger entwining as she kissed his neck and ear. Before she knew what was happening next, her fingers began working his jacket and tugging it. She felt his slender hand dancing around the buttons on the back of her dress and without protest, felt him unbutton the first one. Soon enough, her hands were on his bare chest, and he felt lean yet a little not even a little toned really. Her arms felt his shoulders, thin and freckled from the sun. She felt his hands fumbling with her dress under the jumper, trying to get the back unbuttoned without ripping it! She felt like she was on fire. Why had it been so long since she had felt this way? 

Upon stumbling in a drunk manner through his flat's doorway with an equally drunk Cassandra, Brian's emotions rocketed in a confident insulin like speed. Her hair that cascaded past her elbows while what remained of her fringe's pompadour style had become close to what looked like a speed bump with loose strands of blonde bouncing in reaction to her drunken steps. And as quickly as he had made it to the settee sitting slouched with a hint of a manspread; Cassandra was just as quickly on her knees kneeling on the floor inbetween his open legs. He faltered, suddenly laughing aloud watching her prying fingers skating up the coarse fabric of cheap denim, knees buckling to her delicate touch and her fingers continue to twirl farther and farther up his thighs. Her intentions became more and more clear as the buckle of his belt involuntarily adjusted and now opened for the Girl he never thought would do a thing like this. Naughty dreams and fantasies dreamt and wishfully thought often with the outcome that it would be all a lie as he woke messy and solid. 

"Cassandra," he warns voice hoarse as he watches her with both confusion and lust. Cassandra glances up with blue eyes almost taken hostage by lustfully enlarged pupils, he knew he probably suffered equally as large pupils he was judging by the sudden ache in his groin as he realised he was growing hard and there wasn't going to be any way of stopping it. "What are you doing?" He finally manages, choking on stuttered words while managing Guitar playing fingers under her silky chin. Skin so soft it was like swirling his fingers in liquid silk, In reaction, she shrugs taken by liquid courage all the while looking at him like a deer in headlights. 

"I've always wondered what it's like to give someone a blowjob, have you ever received?" 

It might've been wanted both physically and mentally for him, but Brian was reluctant with the insecurity that this was going to be a fine mistake they would realise they made in the morning all while nursing headaches from the alcohol filled night before. He didn't want a friendship finished from a silly mistake, but he also whimpered under her soft and teasing touch. He grew stiffer as he shook his head unable to form so much as a word. She trembled as she let her fingers work his stiff through his jeans, flabbergasted by the appearance of an erection through clothes she saw that Brian's erection was undeniably going to surprise her in size, cramped by denim and throbbing against her fingertips. She looks back to him, watching her with hooded and lusting eyes scowling at the loss of contact.

"You really shouldn't if you don't want to, you don't have anything to prove and I wouldn't force you out of your comfort zone."

The zip strokes his member and he groans, eyes fluttering shut while she pulls down his jeans and his underwear in one forceful tug, her touch setting blazing fires against his flesh. His aching member, stood almost straight and solid from tight curled nests of hair that matched the hairs on his head in colour. A steady but quickening flow of pre-cum streaming down his shaft and onto her fingers as she strokes his veins with an innocent curiosity. 

Burning passion turns to surprise as the silence that fills the room is broken by his sharp intake of breath unable to physically cope with the pleasure brought to him while she innocently and gently holds his tip between her two lips, tongue only just massaging his slit and licking away the salty pre-cum oozing steadily from it. He opens his eyes, marvelling at her actions and smouldering desire rests at the pit of his stomach. Moaning sharply, his fingers find the back of her head while she sends teasing little kitten licks to his underside, humming in appreciation Brian massages the back of her head while gasping out. She was trying her hardest to swallow her nerves, stiffening aches run through her jaw as she attempts to keep going farther and farther unable to count the amount of times she had thought of just seeing what he looked like, now that she had; she had underestimated him with the assumption he would be small in relation to his humble sexually embarrassed nature. How often she dreamt of hearing him moaning her name like he was at that moment was close to very, his tender and gentle voice varying from loud whimpers and cries to soft moans and hums of appreciation. His fingertips urged her to take him more and more, bucking hips thrusting upwards while his unruly tight curls of dark pubic hair tickle her nose like a million soft but rough feathers.

The relationship so perfectly crafted as far as gone, taken over by this form of intimacy that Brian never realised he needed in his life. There were Girls willing to go as far as a date, but just like most who had taken interest in his own Bandmate the Girls would never return for a second date. Cassandra was perhaps different this way, and a tension that had been built between them finally collapsed taking away what they called a platonic relationship, leaving what he expected would be deemed a mistake that was worth it in the end. Looking down to her adjusting herself even closer to his member, a smile tugged at his lips interrupted by the sudden feeling of her warm and wet mouth beginning steadily take him, Brian felt his hips buckle in response hands crafting her hair into a makeshift ponytail while his voice cracks under pressure from the sensation of her hand moving slowly at the base of his cock in aligned rhythm to her mouth, his eyes hooded yet he watched her head bop in perfect timing- the beginnings and sudden acknowledgement of that feeling in the pit of his stomach. He wasn't going to last much longer, but her consistent pace tells him she doesn't plan on stopping even when he likely orgasms in her mouth. 

His hips bucked erratically, fast and forcefully enough that he must've hit the back of her throat judging by her gagging reflex, blushing cheeks standing out from her pale skin. He caresses her hair making makeshift ponytails all while chanting her name, letting himself moan and gasp louder and louder everytime she tried taking all of him, each time gagging a little and she would pull away and blush. "It happens," he says breathlessly opening his eyes for the thousandth time in seconds, she nods in response fingers grazing his shaft before moving to his base and fondling his balls holding and playing with them pressing her mouth against his cock once more. Tongue flicking his slit, Brian's fists retracted from her hair and grasped the material of the couch, his orgasm beginning to take way. He thrusted erratically and she bopped her head up and down him in rhythm. Her hands rested on his thighs, "That's-fuck - you're such a Good Girl." She hummed in response and yet another thunderbolt electrified him once more, "Cassandra," he breathes moaning inbetween. "I'm going to cum, I'm really going to cum." He warned, she stops cock still in mouth as she rests her tongue dismissively letting the on the edge Guitarist thrust, rolling his hips involuntarily against her mouth while groaning, moaning and whining at each and every roll of his hips.

Suddenly, he stops, burning from pleasure as his white hot orgasm takes over his whole body. He was so sure the stars were bright against his eyes feeling her hollowing her cheeks and swallowing his hot mess. Biting his bottom lip, he let the electricity cascade through his body as he feels the hot lightning strike him and all too suddenly she gives him one last lick before showing him a clean mouth and he twitches knowing she swallowed everything but the dribble that left her bottom lip. 

He smiled bringing his hands to her chin and pulling her face to his own, letting him take her in for a drunken sloppy kiss, their tongues danced everywhere and slowly Cassandra brought her body up to straddle Brian. He moaned aloud, feeling her grinding against his soft cock. He pushed her off him and took her hand, standing. His jeans and boxers fell to his ankles causing him to kick them off, running with her to his bedroom and pushing her roughly on the bed, both giggling drunkenly. 

Cassandra pulled him down by the neck, whispering and giggling in his ear before she started kissing up his neck, nipping and licking in ways that made his breathing heavier. He smelled incredible, the heady scent of his aftershave and hardworking sweat was damn near intoxicating, and she smiled faintly as she worked her way back to his lips. She could sense Brian was close to breaking. Already she could feel his hands straying all over her, sliding up her dress and gripping her rear and playing with the waistband of her tights. And so she started easing him backward to the settee, waiting until it was just behind him before shoving him down on the cushion. She laughed at his look of mingled indignation and surprise, which quickly turned to hunger as he gazed up at her, wanting her, needing her.

Cassandra settled over his lap, straddling him, enjoying the way he seemed unable to look away from her. He yanked his

necklace from his neck, struggling with taking off his shirt, and she felt the heat of his skin soak into her palms as she roamed her hands across his bare chest. She rolled her hips against his, grinding down against that hardness beneath her, craving to be full of him — until it seemed Brian could take the distance between their lips no longer. He sat up sharply and pressed his mouth to hers, kissing her until she was nearly breathless. His hands were fumbling with the buttons of her dress, before he grew impatient and ripped it open entirely. He went for her bra next, struggling with the clasps until they were both laughing, and she had to guide his clumsy hand. The fabric eventually fell away to reveal her bare breasts; he kissed up the space between them before sucking at her nipples, hard enough to make her laughter fade, and a moan tumble from her lips.

But still, she wanted more. She needed more. She needed him. And so she pushed him back down on the settee, still sitting  astride him, sweeping his arms over his head and pinning them to the cushion. She was the feverish one now, licking down the  length of his abdomen and toying with his happy trail.

His lips magnetized to hers, tasting nothing but the salty reminents of himself, trying to send her into the abyss of lust she  previously had sent him, his teeth clashed with hers while his fingers played with her exposed bra straps. Cassandra slowly  lay herself under him, letting him take control of her only he was absolutely lost in what to do or how to get her aroused enough  to start.

Her eyes opened below him, meeting with his as they shared an awkward gaze, "you're shaking," she noted with her hands  trailing up and down his sleeves. "Are you as nervous?" She asked and he nodded in response undressing her and  gazing down at her body in its exposed form, freckles and birthmarks all for his eyes to wander and acknowledge. Sweat  beaded his forehead drenching sticky curls that stuck to his forehead, Brian pressed a firm but gentle kiss to the nape of her  neck, nuzzling his nose against her flushed flesh. His tongue trailed down the front of her body, exploring every new landmark  he discovered on the way. His eyes watered as he focused his attention on her breasts, cupping her warm flesh in his huge  hands. Thumbs circled her buds while his mouth hung open in concentration and lust before lowering his head and letting his  tongue take over.

“You’re such a beautiful Girl, can’t believe I get to do this.” She moaned softly in response to his words, urging his head down causing a growl to sound from the back of his throat.

"That feels good," she whispers from under him extending her hands to reach for his hair and burying her two hands within.  Moaning freely against him, she arched her back and Brian smirked, pulling away causing a small whimper of protest. He  nodded nervously, testing the waters with his fingers he decides, sending a slap to her clit he took in her whimpers while his  fingers started his work, his thumb delicately running through her folds while his index thrusted inside her making her moan and  wither under his touch. Teeth bared as she cried out loud, praising him as though he were some sort of God and Brian enjoyed her submissiveness to his touch, going faster deliberately to see what other noises he could get out of her.

"You're so wet for me, bet you want me to stretch you out with my cock."

He'd done this before with one or two before her, but not one of them made him into this trembling mess unsure of his actions.  Unlike them, he could look at Cassandra with both admiration and astonishment, love and affection. He felt feelings he never knew he could hoard and emotions that were almost alien to his manly aroma. Unlike Roger and his choice of women-  Cassandra was that breath of familiarity, she knew everything about him and likewise he knew everything about her. Her struggles with her body and her battles with an eating disorder, something that was personal and out of bounds for just about any other  man. She trusted him, he trusted her just like he was a thousand and one percent he loved her and almost sure she loved  Him. 

Sparks were flying everytime they locked gazes, electricity hitting his flesh everytime he so much as brushed against her. Lips  grazed hers as he hovered above her, she pressed a firm kiss against his shoulder, arms stretched around his neck and she  pulls him to her chest as though he were a stuffed bear with emotional value. Just that closeness was enough for Brian, lining  up against her entrance she closes her eyes at the joining of two individuals falling in love like characters from a fairytale  forgetting all about reality for a greedy moment. She heard a low groan work its way up his throat as he sank into her,  appreciative and pleased, and she found herself enveloped in thrilling heat as they were suddenly, finally together at last.

At first, Brian was slow and gentle, cupping her two breasts and kissing her sensuously, his hips drawing in steadily and  tentative pace to hers. But then his restraint buckled when she wrapped her arms around his reddened neck that was slick with  sweat and hidden by drenched curls, and she felt the heat in her body become that of a wildfire as he drove faster, each  pounding stroke harder than the last. She was gasping beneath him, her back pressing deep into the mattress, her nails  dragging down his own back and finding it slick with sweat. This pleasure — the fullness of him inside her, the brush of his lips,  the feel of his thumb caressing her most sensitive spot just above where they were joined — it was unbelievable, unlike anything  she had felt before. That fire was spreading across every inch of her now, melting her, searing her, and Christ, she never  wanted him to stop.

The rhythmic sounds of the bed striking the wall were only a distant murmur in her ears as he moved above her, hazel eyes  warm and soaking sweetly into her blazing blues, never once looking away. She knew he was getting close, and so it came as  a surprise when he pulled out with a groan and his mouth open in a perfect 'o', settling over the bed and almost effortlessly  hauling her over top of him.  His hands clutched the small span of her waist as he bucked up into her, meeting her steady pace. Her body was scorching, ablaze with  some fierce, fiery need as she ground against him, rolling her hips, drinking in the mere sight of him sprawled beneath her. He  was marvelling up at her, and she couldn't stop watching him, either. Everything from the flex of his barely there muscles, to the  heaving of his chest, to the quiet groan of ecstasy that left his lips each time she slid down as far as she could go, that sensation  of him filling her up almost too much to bear. And before long, Brian suddenly had her flat on her back again, standing as he  took her from the edge of his bed once more.

He thrusted, grunting in rhythm to his slow pace. He pulled out again, hissing at her tightness before slamming his groin into her, chasing his orgasm like a sweet high. Cassandra was crying his name, pouting and panting everytime she was met with his thrusts. Eventually, she bites her bottom lip, grunting softly and Brian couldn't take the sight, unable to so much as whimper when he finally came, pulling out and panting his last laboured breaths as the feeling of warmth glides past his cock and further inside her. Cassandra let out a soft whine, her own warmth mingling with his own as he pulled her flush against his blushed and sweaty chest momentarily. Cassandra was the first to speak, hand resting under her chin while Brian was rushing to get himself re-dressed. "That was quite unexpected." Was all she said, watching Brian who turned to look her naked frame over once more before tossing her clothes from the floor.

"What happens now?" He watches her, trying her for an answer as he grows uncertain of what he wants. He wanted her, but the idea of the Bandmates finding out and possibly berading him and calling shots and bets; he felt reluctant. He also didn’t want to assume there would be another time, Cassandra had a man who probably could make her thighs into jelly, she didn’t need him. Brian scowled at the idea, he never usually thought about Cassandra and Albert behind closed doors. Now that they’d done this, now he was jealous, thinking of her and her Boyfriend together. Albert was better than him, Cassandra wouldn’t want to leave him for boring Brian. "Cassandra?" His voice asked with a stern twist, again, he turned to her letting his hands find hers. He dreaded what she was going to say, it meant nothing, they were drunk.

But surprisingly.

"I want this if you do," she said simply, "but can we just not tell anyone yet?" His heart broke at her sadness in her eyes, "it's not because I regret us, because I don’t, not a bit. But Albert… This is a huge mess." She starts smiling softly, hands resting on her thin leather belt, fingers tracing the silver buckle before looking up at Brian who continued to stare back with an emotionless expression working her out curiously as he tried to figure out whether he enjoyed the fallen silence or loathed it. "I thought you were very brilliant," she whispered, eyes fluttering as they shared an embrace. He falters as he gently caresses the small of her back and pressing a firm but gentle peck to her scalp.

“I promise you, Cassandra. Not a soul will know, but what I want to know- is, well is this going to happen again? I’m not just wasting my time, though I had fun and I’m eager to have you, but I don’t want this to be a temporary little dirty secret that is brushed under the carpet.” He frowns, letting go of her hands and staring into her eyes. “I won’t force you to tell Albert, I won’t tell him myself or put you in a bad place, but if you promise me that you’re not going to mess me around in the process.”

She sighed. “I thought I loved him, Brian, I really did but… Oh I don’t know.” laughing sadly she took a deep breath, “I’ve known you longer than I’ve known him and maybe I’m not being fair to him, but Brian we’ve never really been platonic have we? There was always this gut feeling that I just can’t shake off when I’m around you. I should be crying, knowing I’m being… Well, I’m cheating on the man I thought I loved, but for some reason I feel like I’m doing the right thing rather than the wrong thing.” 

“It’s agreed this isn’t the best place to be then.” He smiled sadly, “I mean I’ve never liked him, I find he’s an arrogant prick who doesn’t treat you fairly, but I wouldn’t deliberately wish being cheated on my worst nemesis.” He began to feel the gut punching truth, he was messing in deep waters, fooling around with a girl who was in a relationship. The drop in his gut as he thought of Albert finding out, what would he do if he found out, would he hurt Cassandra in anger? 

He hadn’t even asked her to join them on tour, he cursed at his forgetfulness and reminded himself that he had been rather wrapped up literally! He had two months, two whole months before Queen went to America. Two months to decide what to do, though it felt like forever, it would pass by quickly. 

But again, Alfred, he’d suspect something wasn’t right or he would want to tag along, Brian slowly dreaded what he had gotten himself into, though there was a thrill of passion, sneaking around and hiding her whenever people were around them. It felt thrilling, deliciously arousing. Knowing everytime they would touch, it was a secret. Every accidental love bite given, would mean more knowing her boyfriend would see the mark of territory. He was fighting another man like two male cats fighting for the female cat and it seemed more worthwhile, working to take something that was so forbidden, snatching something precious from someone he didn’t like. Brian smirked, the thought of Cassandra having to hide hickeys, wearing makeup over them so nobody knew who she belonged to.


	4. The Groupie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No smut in this chapter but there is some good old drama and angst !! Hope you guys like it

_Addicted_

_Chapter Three: The Groupie_

**1974**

**London, England**

* * *

_Cassandra Sophia Barnes, 26_

Cassandra was sitting in her bedroom on a chair facing the mirror emphasising a bruise on her upper arm, she glanced at her old jewellery box. Fingers cold against the hard wood of the box before pulling the lid off and watching the minimalist ballerina spin to a familiar tune.

It reminded her of what she had. Sitting at ten years old brushing golden curls humming the same tune her box sang, It reminded her of two parents that loved her, no matter where she found herself crying and yet she couldn't find herself to ask for their help, words of advice because they would suffer emotionally in response to their daughter's pain making a situation worse than it was. Her Father would demand to speak to him, brawling and fighting because he's angry- not because he cares though he does. Her Father who was older and had to think of his own strength rather than words that were empty threats.

If someone hits the person they love, apparently they don't love that person. For some reason, Cassandra was desperately looking for that love. But sometimes in such a relationship where her Boyfriend turned violent when he was angry, she felt absolutely grounded while knowing she was in dangerous waters. 

Cassandra pressed her index finger against a purple blossom on her upper arm, watching herself wince through the mirror reflection. She scowled, turning to the open doorway where she could hear his footsteps lingering growing closer and closer.

Arguing with him never made the time of day any clearer, he was tall and well built- he begged and he begged sometimes looking more pathetic than she would after he hit her. The circle continued without so much as a sign of stopping or even slowing. Something about this anger driven shadow of such a gentleman made her almost determined to win him over, change him back to who he used to be forgetting the fact of trickery. 

She always dreamed of being the Girl on the bad boys shoulder, having a Bad boy as a Boyfriend. Dreams of men wearing leather biker jackets and smoking cigarettes behind buildings. Wasn’t that every Girls’ fantasy, she wondered, eyes meeting with those in the mirror. Her Boyfriend was a Doctor, but she wasn’t attracted to that part of him, she’d initially met him at a bar and he was wearing a biker jacket and his hair spiked in all directions, he looked so cool, it was attractive. 

Looking back now, _she regret it._

A pair of arms snaked around her hips from behind causing Cassandra to wince, accompanying Albert’s voice came his chin resting on Cassandra’s left shoulder while he let his blue eyes cast onto her reflection in the mirror. Cassandra listened to her Boyfriend let out a brief sigh of disagreement before his warm touch left her with the cold draft over her hips. 

“I’m sorry, what else can I tell you.” She said feigning disinterest. Albert didn’t understand all of the modelling and girly stuff, he wasn’t emotional and often laughed at her when she would talk about her feelings- he simply faked his empathy just to see Cassandra calm and stop talking about it for five minutes. “ _Like you said_ , it’s nothing important.”

Albert sighed, “nothing important? Darling you wouldn’t have spared a tear if that weren’t important.” Cassandra smiled sadly, welcoming Albert’s touch and a kiss to the forehead. “Anyway, forget the apologies, and focus on us and the future.” Another kiss to the forehead and one to the neck, “did you think about what we discussed in bed last night?” 

  
She frowned, “I don’t know Al. I know, you might think it’s a great idea. But we’re not even engaged; and I’m just not ready for a baby.” She pat her absent stomach, fingers swirling over the brief outline of muscle. “Besides, pregnancy isn’t a picnic and I’m a model it’ll take _years_ to get this body back.” 

  
  


It sounded like an idea she would’ve gone for in a decade but not this second. Not when she was nearing twenty seven, it was simply too young. Cassandra sighed, she felt a pressure on her back as Albert’s words grew much more desperate. She felt if she said no, Albert wouldn’t like her as much and the insecurity that all he wanted from her was a baby seemed to overwhelm her. Cassandra smiled unsure of what else to do, she felt she needed a walk, anywhere just to gain some oxygen just a little while where she wasn’t being put on the spot or belittled by the press. 

“I need to pop out for a bit,” she declared slithering from Albert’s grip only to be stopped by his hand around her wrist. 

“Why? Where are you going, _we haven’t finished talking about this!_ ” 

Firmly, Cassandra pushed past him with a frown on her face. “I’m finished talking about it, and quite frankly, I think I’m finished with you. I can’t do this anymore.”

Albert chases after the Girl, pulling her roughly back into the bedroom. 

“You’re done? _You’re done?_ Have you even realised what I have to put up when it comes to you? Cassandra you’re not only one who seems to struggle greatly in this relationship, I have to deal with you prancing around with Brian and Freddie like one of their groupies. But I’m the only one who wants you despite your looks, you think Brian or Freddie or Roger will want you in their lives when they supposedly become famous? _Not a chance_ , you’re dreaming and in that dream, you’re seeing everything twisted where I’m the bad guy and you’re the good guy.”

She falters, “that’s what you think? That’s what you think?” She bit down a sob watching Albert intensely. “I’ve known them before I knew you and never once have they viewed me as such, in fact, I don’t need you Albert, I don’t need a man who does nothing but tear me down and on occasion raise a fist when life’s tough.”

“Oh shut up Cassandra, you’re hanging around with poofters. They won’t even remember your name in a couple years. You overexaggarate your worth and truly it’s ambitious but you’re naive and stupid. I hit you a few times, I will admit it was wrong, just like grabbing you also is wrong, but you make me angry, I love you but you walk all over me! Frankly, I’m sick of it, run away and throw my love for you away and become a slut but I’m not going to be there when you realise you’re just another blonde in the streets of London who used to be ambitious before she was screwed over.”

He inched closer towards her, only to be smacked while the Girl grabbed her coat, sparing him hardly a second glance. She frowns. “This is my flat Albert and I want you to get out, this is the end. I’m leaving now and I want you gone, so do me a favour without being a pectulant wanker and pack your bags and bugger off!” She narrows her eyes at Albert who shrugs her off as a Girl overreacting. 

“Get out Albert! I’m finished with you! Oh and before you shut the door… _Fuck you!_ ”

* * *

  
“Cassandra, you never said you were dropping us a visit. Come in sweetheart!” She had smiled thankfully walking into the messy flat, Freddie was running around half dressed and Brian was nowhere to be seen. Roger smiled at her, seeing her scanning the surroundings but then frowned at the unexpected visit. Rather suspiciously, Roger shrugged. “So what can we do for you?” He asked curiously, smiling softly.

“Well honestly, I want to know something and I want you to be honest with me,” She replies with a stern look on her face arms folded over her chest. Taking a deep breath and sighing heavily, Roger was preparing to be asked if he would have sex with her, he was arrogant that way and desperate enough not to say no. “Do you guys think of me as a groupie, or some whore that tags around to your shows in hopes of getting pounded after the show?”

Roger grimaces, where was that coming from? He shakes his head confidently. “Cassandra, for fuck’s sake where did you get such a silly idea from?” He asked with a giggle, “that’s a ridiculous question, you’ve been ‘round Bri and me since before Tim left and we’ve never once tried to get a shag out of you. Freddie’s with Mary, so he’s not exactly going to seduce you and the same with John and Veronica. Now please where can I find this source of information that informed you of that?”

“Doesn’t matter, I’ve got my answer. Is Brian here?”

“Uh yeah, he’s in his room doing whatever he does.”

She thanked him and made her way to the doorway of Brian’s bedroom. He was playing something on his guitar, she smiled at the soft strums of the accoustic. She stood at his doorway, watching him with his back facing her. Her anger hadn’t completely subsided, but the peaceful aroma of Brian’s guitar playing helped the brewing storm settle.

She smiled at his back, taking in the soft playing only for Brian to notice her stare and turn to her with a blush.

“Hi you never said you were coming round,” he said with a stutter, smiling bashfully as he tidied his guitar away. Cassandra shrugged sitting beside him. “Everything okay?” He asked feigning concern.

“Albert and I have split, I’m sure you’re overjoyed to hear.”

If Brian had overanalyzed her words, he would’ve thought she sounded resentful. She didn’t seem anything like that and simply smiled at him, he still felt the twinge of guilt in the pit of his stomach and could only mutter the word, “why?”

Cassandra didn’t seem to answer his question, she didn’t seem to want to continue discussing it but Brian felt he had every right to know every little detail, for his own sake and for hers. _Did her boyfriend know about them? Did he hurt her or was it just a breakup that happened between two people wishing to move on._

He repeated the question, staring her in the eyes as he did. Cassandra looked away and he swore there was a tear in her eyes wiped away by the back of her palm angrily. “Because we did, it’s not really your concern. It’s done now, let’s not talk about _him_.”

They sat in a tension filled silence, he felt scared to start conversation. She felt timid, unsure why she felt so nervous.

Then Roger burst in with a frown on his face followed by Freddie who was laughing.

“Now why do you think you’re a groupie, that’s ridiculous!” Freddie giggled, Brian narrowed his eyes. What? He thought cocking his head to Cassandra who was shrugging and playing with her sleeves. “Don’t go all quiet on us now, something’s got that in your mind and I’d love to know where such a _ridiculous_ idea came from.”

“Fred it doesn’t matter!” Cassandra snapped.

“Freddie just _leave it,_ ” Roger urged pulling the lead singer away gently. “Sorry about that, but it’s a really well, it’s not silly but it’s obviously got us surprised. Brian has she mentioned this to you?”

Shaking his head, Brian muttered a confused _‘no.’_ Roger smiled nervously and left the room.

“What was that all about?” Brian asked, “you _think_ you’re a groupie?”

Brian being too smart for everyone’s own good had already put two and two together and added another six. “ _He_ told you that, _so he knows about us then_?”   
  


“No he doesn’t know Brian, he doesn’t know about us and he never will. Look, I just needed to know and I’ve got my answer so quite frankly, we don’t need to have a formal discussion, I date bastards I know, I listen to crap, I know.”

“That’s not what I was going to imply, but I also can’t disagree with that first statement either.” Brian quipped with a sad smile. “Oh no, what I was gonna say was that Albert doesn’t deserve someone like you and he knows that. He’s a right arse Love and you know we love you, Fred, Roger and John and me.” 

“I know, I don’t doubt it.” She replied smiling. 

Brian stopped smiling. "Did you think when we... y'know, that I was going to toss you aside after and forget about that?" He asks stroking her cheek, Cassandra was stunned silent for a long moment eventually nodding as she leaned into his touch. "Cassandra I would never- In fact I thought my intentions would've been clear, I want to pursue whatever this is. It's just as you said, we never have been that platonic with each other and I'm happy about that. But you've really put me off guard with such an accusation, how could you think like that?"

"Brian I don't, I just needed to hear it from you yourself and not my ex who's playing bully in order to keep me at his side." 

He nodded with a defeated sigh, frowning at her for a short moment. "You okay? You look like you've seen a ghost Cassandra." Cassandra smiled shaking her head, she lay against his side. Brian sighed again and wrapped an arm around her slumped shoulders. "What is this to you? Y'know are we just well, shagging or is there any feelings involved?"

"I haven't thought about it to be honest, Brian." Cassandra replied stroking Brian's arm with her index finger. "It thoroughly depends on what you want. So Brian, what do you want to happen between us? Do you want me to be more than your friend or do you want me to be the Girl you shag when no-ones around? I'm up for both decisions of course since you're good at the give and take."

Brian chuckled, which turned to hearty laughter which turned to a fond smile. "You're terrible," he said with a smile, "insatiable if not terrible with your ability to flirt."

"Who said anything about flirting, I'm asking a very serious question here do you want me to shag you without a relationship, or shag you with a relationship?"

Brian felt the blush dusting on his cheeks at the forward suggestion, but it certainly wasn't unwelcome. He found himself smirking darkly at her forwardness. Brian grinned, pressing a lingering and cautious kiss to Cassandra's lips. He let a hand play with a lingering strand of Cassandra's hair, letting his fingertips feel the sleekness of Cassandra's hair against his coarse fingertips. "We'll just see how we get on."

"Good choice." She smiles with finality taking his hair in her own hands and stroking the curls against her palms. 

"Now, why don't we go get dinner?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it too dramatic? Comment your thoughts, your opinions mean more to me than my college does


	5. Playing Around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave a comment 🙂

_ Addicted _

_ Chapter Four: Playing Around _

**1974**

**London, England**

* * *

_Brian Harold May, 27_

She’d knocked on the door after phonong him, the others were out or asleep meaning they had the privacy to do what they wanted. Every naughty fantasy seemed to fly through Cassandra’s mind, thinking of Brian pounding her while Roger slept in the room next door. It made her wonder how many times Roger had been fucking women while Brian listened from his own room or how many times Freddie and Mary were getting it on and being heard. 

She flew into his arms when he unlocked the door and smiled at her, stepping back towards the sofa as they locked in a heated makeout session consisting of Cassandra biting Brian’s bottom lip between her teeth and rubbing her fingertips up and down the t-shirt that made it obvious that he had been sleeping as well as the fact he wasn’t wearing anything else but a pair of tight boxers which were growing more and more tighter as he leaned back and let her straddle him holding his face in her hands and kissing her sloppily as if it would be the last time. 

Brian groaned into the kiss, bringing his hand to her neck and stroking her ear with his thumb and she reciprocated the action. The sound of them kissing was loud, everytime their lips pressed together, it made a loud wet slapping sound followed by his heavy breathing and Cassandra’s high heels hitting the floor when she crossed and uncrossed her legs. 

Wickedly, Brian smiled trailing his mouth down Cassandra’s neck, listening to her moan softly in response, before she took her hand and shoved it down his boxers pulling the fabric down with the force of her wrist as it travelled lower until her hand wrapped around his hardening cock causing him to accidentally moan out unexpectedly loud at the rush as the half hard shaft began to thicken in her hand and his hips were beginning to move. 

Brian pulled away and rest his nose against hers, his breath warm over her lips as he gasped out loudly feeling her hand moving up and down his shaft. “Baby,” he muttered before letting his hips. “We -should head to my bedroom before Roger catches you touching my cock.” He whispered against her lips before removing her hands and tucking himself back in, watching her marvel at the fact he was long enough that his erection seemed to be standing taller than his waistband, before he stood, he quivered at the feeling of Cassandra’s finger teasing his tip. He snapped, grabbing her hand and running with her to his bedroom before slamming against the door and rutting his hips against her enjoying the feeling of her jeans rubbing his cock.

Cassandra smiled, “I just needed to see you.” She said simply, though it wasn’t the best of moments to say that and Cassandra realised her mistake going on her knees. “I needed to feel you,” she added pulling his boxers down and playing with his cock before sending a teasing lick from his balls to the tip. “Is this okay?”

Brian nodded, throwing his head back seeing Cassandra’s eyes locked with his from below him. The sight of her on her knees the submissive expression made Brian groan throwing his hands in her hair and nodded muttering a low ‘yeah’ before he sharply gasped at the feeling of her mouth taking his length while her hands sat on his thighs. He had to control himself from fucking her mouth, instead he pulled at her hair watching her head bobbing in the direction of his hands pulling. 

“Yeah you like me doing this,” he whispered, “you woke me up at two in the morning because you couldn’t wait for me, you’re desperate for me to fuck your mouth huh?”

He pulled her up seconds later, Cassandra merely stood while Brian sat himself on the end of his bed beckoning her between his legs before pulling her down for another sloppy kiss, lying back while she leaned entirely ontop of him, deliberately rubbing her legs on his cock knowing it would drive him mad.

He was laughing softly, throwing his hands in her blonde hair and mouthing her chin, only nipping so he wouldn’t leave a mark before trailing his lips up and down her neck loving the way she moaned at the feeling. 

“Get yourself wet for me Cassie Lovie, I don’t want to hurt you with my cock when I start pounding you.”

Her stomach fluttered at such words and Cassandra didn’t wait, rolling off of him and making him watch her unbutton her jeans and tease herself through her underwear, biting her bottom lip and looking up to the Guitarist who was staring at her in awe, every soft moan that left her lips going straight to his groin. 

“I’m ready, oh Brian please.”

Brian chuckled darkly, “you sure you’re ready baby?” He asked smiling as he pushed two of his fingers in checking to see if she was telling the truth before groaning himself at the feeling of her. “Yeah, tell me you want me baby.”

He leaned on top of her, pressing firm kisses on her neck while she started wanking him from beneath him. Brian groaned out rutting his hips in response, “oh tell me you want me baby.” Brian repeated lining himself up with her and smiling as she nodded and gave her the permission he wanted before in one long thrust he felt himself being clenched and gripped as he sank his full length in. 

Cassandra huffed, eyes shut in bliss. He reached a hand to lace with her own, holding her hand as he slowly rocked his hips back and forth enjoying the feeling of her clenched around him. A particular thrust made the bed frame hit the wall and Cassandra let out a small and pained whine causing Brian to immediately stop and start pressing tender kisses in her hair. “Sorry, sorry, sorry.” He whispered only to have her grab his cock and tease herself with it, looking at him as she did. 

Cassandra’s body was tensed, Brian saw that and he couldn’t help feel a little bad hoping it wasn’t his fault. “Brian please, keep going.” 

It was the encouragement he needed, listening to her desperate and submissive cries for him to thrust into her surprisingly hard. She was tight, but she was lubed enough that he was sliding himself in and out easy enough. Cassandra squeaked at the size of his large length, the sudden and building sensation shaking her to the core. 

She moaned aloud, loud enough that surely it would’ve disturbed Roger next door but Brian decided he didn’t care as he watched her below him trying her hardest to get acquainted with the thick length pounding into her hard and rough accompanied by the lewd sounds on his pubic bone hitting her own. The sensation was enough for tears to build up in her eyes, streaming down her cheeks everytime he slammed back into her.

“Usually you’re the one controlling me,” he had joked mid thrust and watching her giggle at his remark. “You’re usually the dominant one, huh, when did you suddenly become so willing?”

Giggling Cassandra dug her nails into Brian’s shoulders, “don’t get too used to it, I might decide to turn the tables.” She replied staring at him with doe eyes and licking her lips. 

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, there’s still enough time for me to give your balls a good smack for being so full of yourself.”

He began muttering under his breath as he felt himself beginning to swell inside of her, he was getting harder and harder and Cassandra squeaking while trying to hide the volume in her voice was turning him even more on. His orgasm was on the brink, beginning to bubble as his balls tensed and his pace grew erratic making the sound of their skin colliding even noisier and their mixed voices mingling together as they squeezed each others hands.

“Fuck Brian!”

He groaned at the feeling of her clamping around him and she gasped out as her orgasm came hard. Brian rolled his eyes back at the feeling of her juices and her body becoming slick. He felt it hitting his thighs and pubic bone, thrusting harder into her, Cassandra frowned and gasped as her orgasm spiralled into a huge second one leaving Brian’s head spinning as she squirted on his cock which trickled onto his thighs. 

He heaved as he reached completion, the feeling of her squirting on his cock was all that was needed for his seed to fill her in thick spurts until it leaked from her entrance. She was full of his cum, Brian admired it like it was a personal achievement. 

“That was the best shag I’ve had in a long time,” Brian remarked switching on his bedside lamp as he was the first to sit up and admire the mess of his cum on the sheets while her juices were soaked through. “I didn’t think you were a squirter.” He’d teased watching her slip on her shirt causing her to look at him confused.

“A what?”

“Baby, you squirted on me.” He told her with a smile only to watch her hide her face in her hands in embarrassment. “No don’t do that, don't hide your face, don’t be ashamed of that.”

Cassandra blushed smiling tenderly standing to get dressed, “Jesus it’s all over your bed.” She remarked with a light chuckle, “there’s no way you’re sleeping in a bed covered in cum, let’s get this washed.”

  
Brian had chuckled at that throwing her a pair of his clean boxers. “Stay the night, it’s only Rog and he’s a late waker so we can sneak out before he wakes up.”

“Can I go to the bathroom and clean myself up at least?” She asks with a shrug followed by a nod from Brian as he searched his drawers for a shirt to give her. “Would I wake Roger up if I went for a shower?” 

Brian thought about it, Roger was a deep sleeper and he’d had an entire bottle of vodka to himself after Jo had left to go out with Chrissie. He doubted it, Roger could sleep through one of Freddie’s mental breakdowns that were usually solved with a tantrum and throwing things. He smiled up at Cassandra, “on you go. I’ll change the sheets and make a cup of tea for us.”

When she disappeared into the bathroom, Brian couldn’t help the lovesick smile on his face as he pulled on his pyjamas and changed the sheets, making sure every corner looked spotless and throwing the dirty sheets into the washing basket. Listening to the kettle on the stove, he found the moment of almost silence, strange. 

He wasn’t  _ in love  _ with her, but The amount of time Brian had known the girl had left a familiarity in his life at her presence and an absence when she wasn’t. 

He stared at her discarded clothes, picking them up and folding them neatly on his dresser. He was smiling at the sudden domesticity of the situation, as if she were more than just a flame and she had come from a hard days work while he cleaned the bedroom and folded the clothes she had thrown in her moment as she went for her shower. He could get used to that, going to bed every night beside her but he wouldn’t openly admit it especially not to her. 

* * *

Fifteen minutes passed when Cassandra made her way back to the bedroom, smiling at the steaming mug of tea waiting for her while Brian was sitting up sipping his own, acknowledging her presence with a small smile, pressing a kiss to her temple as she climbed into bed beside him. 

“Enjoy your shower I take it?” Brian asked casually as he placed his mug down on the bedside table. 

Cassandra shrugs in response as she looked up at him sipping her own tea and relishing the perfection that he seemed to have making tea. “It would’ve been better with you in there with me,” she replied content laying her head on his shoulder before turning the lamp off. 

Brian watched her lying her head on his chest, her hair was soft tied in a bun from her shower and her skin was a nice warmth from the heat of her shower. Brian smiled, happily throwing a hand in her hair before lying himself down, gulping the last of his tea in one mouthful. 

“What if Roger knows about us?” Cassandra couldn’t help asking breaking the silence with her sudden question. “I know you don’t want any of the band knowing about the shagging so, what if I blew it by coming here?” 

“Then I’ll tell him he’s got the wrong Girl, don’t worry so much about it right now.” Brian replies listening to the soft breaths leaving Cassandra’s nose. “Even if he does, he won’t tell Freddie or John. He might be a lot of things more bad than good, but he’s my best friend and he wouldn’t tell anyone else my secrets. Plus he’s fond of you, he’d do it more for you than me.” 

“You really think so?” 

He smiled in the darkness pressing a kiss on her forehead. “I know so, it’s Roger he probably owes me anyway for the amount of times I’ve covered for him sleeping in all because he was up all night with a groupie.” He chuckled at his own words, “besides, we can just beat him into silence.” 

“Or get him drunk to the extent he can’t remember what’s happening.” 

Smiling softly, she snuggled against him as she drifted off to sleep leaving a Sleepy Brian watching her flutter her eyes closed and listen to her breathing even out until there were soft breaths leaving her every few seconds. 

He wrapped an arm around her cozy frame before drifting off himself, preparing himself for the next morning. 


	6. Is this what an eating disorder’s like

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra struggles with her eating disorder leading Brian to come to terms with his feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A definite trigger warning for anyone who is sensitive to eating disorders or anorexia !!!

_Addicted_

_Chapter Five: Is this what an eating disorder’s like_

**1974**

**London, England**

* * *

_Cassandra Sophia Barnes, 26_

_ Little Cassandra Sophia was highly insecure as a child. Often, she used to test her devoted parents limits in sly ways. she would do bad things and then come back to them and ask "are you and Mummy still going to keep me?" _

_ This is a highly characteristic behavior for children with anxieties. _

_ One day she did something wrong, too terrible but she couldn't presently recall what she did remember him sitting and debating to take off his cheap and thin belt to punish just like parents simply did in the fifties, he'd stopped and sat down giving her a speech of his disappointment and a curious Cassandra asked her dad, _

_ Papa, how much money in the world would it take for you to sell me? What if someone bought me and you had to buy me back? _

_ Without even blinking he said, _

_ There isn’t enough money in the world Cassie Sophia. Even if I had to go into a jailhouse because as a mineworker with only a shilling in his old trousers I couldn’t possibly pay the amount to get you back from someone I would. You are more valuable than all the money in the world just like your Brothers and Sister, Honeybunch. _

When her parents first found out about Cassandra's eating disorder, they were disappointed and upset, they started blaming themselves, which overall made her feel even worse. However, even though her parents knew and did everything they could to be as emotionally supportive, the disorder started progressively getting worse and at sixteen and at the brink of being discovered by modelling Agencies. Cassandra was starting to die. 

Her parents began to get worried and enrolled her in a private treatment facility who at first refused with the fifties being very in the quiet and dismissal of things like that. Seeing her weak state they told her parents not to be surprised she'd drop dead anyday, at least they took her in.

They then made her parents watch her almost 24/7, which meant counting her calories, her proteins, fruit, veggies, etc. She also wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom for 45–60 minutes after every oversized meal and she wasn’t allowed to exercise. 

Things got so much better knowing she had people by her side and there to help her, and she recovered within a year and a half excluding the turns now and again. And being free had in the moment felt amazing. 

  
  


* * *

_ Cassandra had always been a poor little Girl wearing handmade clothes and hand-me downs from cousins because her Mother couldn't afford nice clothes and her Father was nothing more than a man down the pits among the coal mining company post-world war two. _

_ They'd gotten lucky in the mid-fifties when Cassandra was "discovered" and made a child model. She didn't regret their eagerness to sign their daughter up seeing as it was a Girl's dream, but they needed the money especially when her Father was signed off and her Mother became a Seamstress whilst her husband became the domestic of the house until he found another job. _

_ They often pressured their daughter to give the modelling up once she hit the tender age of fourteen and hormonal anxiety was large. Cassandra refused even when she came down with a nasty case of anorexia and her Father absently thinking about the name had mistaken the Doctor and at first thought he had meant a Sexually transmitted Disease going as far as punching his Daughter's old Agent a molesting crook.  _

_ "Weren't you given any type of education?" Cassandra's Mother asked flicking her brown eyes to the teapot and her husband's incensed face. "It's where young Girls see different to what they are, those bastards have poisoned her with their images of ugly tarts skinnier than the garden rake, now she's either sticking her finger down her throat after dinner or not eating at all."  _

_ "Anorexia, I've never heard of that." _

* * *

Cassandra held her hands to her face as she sobbed uncontrollably, she stared into the mirror watching her mascara trickle down her cheeks in big teardrops that almost reminded her of the trail a snail would leave behind. She hiccuped every few minutes, processing her anxiety as she stared at her body questioning why she seemed to look so fat and wide in her own perspective, she hated it, she couldn’t control her emotions. She couldn’t control herself as she sprinted for the bathroom and choked up her cries with her vomit, the sight disgusting her in the process.

She was a mess, she knew that. Staring at her dinner now wasting away, she felt pathetic, she felt like some little Girl trapped inside a vicious cycle. Not knowing who to ask for help, and not knowing how to stop the cycle from repeating. 

“You’re disgusting, you fat bitch. Why can’t you be like the other girls.. dare you even call yourself a woman, you’re a filthy little pig.”

That voice appeared in her mind, taunting her, telling her what she already felt in the pit of her stomach. Cassandra felt the depression rise and she felt emotionless for a long moment, simply numb and painless. She was holding her chest and slowly regaining her breath while staring at the reflection with her pink cheeks and runny nose and swollen lips with tears running down. 

She felt, scared. 

She felt isolated, and alone.

A series of knocks pounded on the front door causing Cassandra to frown as she stumbled to reach it. She wasn’t expecting anybody, she hadn’t made plans with anyone.

She was met with a smiling Brian, his smile disappearing when he caught sight of her state.

“Cassandra are you-”

She waved him off with a smile as they walked towards the living roon. “Okay? I’m fine, I just get like this when I look in the mirror sometimes.” She felt silly for admitting such a personal thing to Brian of all close friends of hers, but Chrissie or Mary or Jo hadn’t seen her naked. They wouldn’t understand, Brian, on the otherhand, she trusted him for some reason. 

However, Brian looked concerned as he stared her up and down. “What do you see in the mirror when you look in it?” He had asked genuinely curious as he tried to find an imperfection. Cassandra’s face seemed to fall at the question, she then frowned, trying to figure out how to explain her feelings. Feelings that she kept bottled, not even Albert seemed to care enough to hear them.

“My body…” She whispered, shutting her eyes and sitting back against the couch. “You know, if I’m not starving myself, I’m crying about what I see in the mirror and you have no idea how much I hate it. I feel fat in everything I wear and it’s a feeling that suffocates me and there’s no stopping it.” She smiled sadly as she looked at Brian who watched her intently, listening to her insecurities like he was listening to one of his teachers at Imperial. “I get it, you have bigger things to worry about… In fact, you’re probably only here to get a release because you’re pissed and you need to shag it out.”

Brian, taken aback by such words, stared at her with his mouth agape. “Actually,” he stuttered. “I was going to ask if you wanted to come comet searching, but now you say that, I think I’ll think about force feeding you or telling you that you mean a lot more than that to me Cassandra.”

“I’m sor-”

“Is this what an eating disorder’s like?” He asked, “pushing away the people who care about you? Staring at a mirror for an entire day while telling yourself your own opinion without listening to mine, or anyone else’s?”

She nods, “a day in the life eh?” She weakly joked only to stop and sigh. “You don’t have to look fat to feel it, there's a day where I know I’m not fat but when Albert would go on about me letting myself go… It stays in my mind.”

He made a noise of disgruntlement, frowning. “Albert told you that you’re letting yourself go?” He asked with a sharp tone to his voice. “Cassandra if you were to lose anymore weight, you’d be like a delicate plant. Might it not mean something, but I don’t find you fat, I don’t find any imperfection on you and everytime you put yourself down, my heart shatters in the process. I’ll never understand your way in thinking, but believe me or not, I’m going to do everything in my power to make you better.”

“You really mean that?”

Brian smiled, “Queen are going on tour to America in just over a week. Cassandra, I think you should come with me.” He sighed, “I am determined to be by your side. I’m not having you here in London, alone fighting an eating disorder. Mary’s coming with us, so you’ll have a Gal pal to do whatever, and I’ve got Chrissie’s number if you need to-”

“But Brian I have my life here.” Cassandra exclaimed, narrowing her blue eyes at the Guitarist. “Don’t get me wrong, Bri I’m so happy for you, I’m so happy that Queen’s making it big, but, I can’t throw my entire life to tour with you. I have my friends, my family and a home.”

“Well just this one tour. I’m not asking you to throw your life away for me, we have sex and that’s all, but I care about you more than you realise and I can’t leave knowing you’re struggling. I know how you are, you’re not going to tell Chrissie or Jo, you’re not going to tell your Brothers or your Sisters and I sure as hell can’t see you having this conversation with your Mum or Dad.”

Cassandra frowned at the familiar sting in her eyes, she turned away from Brian to wipe her eyes only to be stopped by his hands on her shoulders. His hands were what broke the dam as she started to cry freely, too teary eyed to be embarrassed by her sudden outburst of emotions. She quivered in his arms as she loudly sobbed into her two hands.

“Cassandra… Love talk to me.” Brian’s voice was gentle, he knew not too overstep or to overpry and instead he simply sat with his hand on her back, feeling her slump into his chest. “It’s alright, I’m here.”

“But you won’t be in all due time.” Cassandra said after a long moments silence. “Queens growing, you’re going to be travelling the world with adoring fans, beautiful girls on your heels. I’ll be here, battling a piece of toast… or in some institute they put girls like me in. You’ll forget about me and about this benefited no strings attached relationship. Or, I’ll pull you away from where you belong-”

Brian scowled at the Girl, “what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I don’t think we should sleep together anymore, and I think you would be better off without me in your life.”

“You know fine well that’s not true Cassandra and I want you to take that back.”

The silence between them became unbearable, Brian had felt bad for snapping but he’d simply lost his temper. Cassandra avoided making eye contact, her shoulders were hunched as she trembled while the sounds of her voice sobbing softly. 

“Cassie, you’re my best friend.” Brian sighed wrapping his extended arms around Cassandra’s small form. “I’ve never truly gotten the idea of how your mind works, but I so badly want to. Love, I know it’s difficult for you at times like this… but please, remember that if I ever lost you- It would break my heart and destroy me.” He smiled sadly down at Cassandra as she looked up to him with her teary and red eyes. 

She let out a congested chuckle and a small sniffle as she smiled at his words, “you’re never going to lose me. I promise.” She said with a shaky and croaked voice, clearing her throat a moment later. “I promise,” she whispered softly resting her head on Brian’s chest. 

“You want to get to bed, you look tired.”

“I think I will, are you joining me?”

Brian smiled at that nodding as he rose to his full height and walked her to her bedroom. She stripped to her bra and underwear before climbing into bed followed by Brian who copied her actions.

“Cassie, will you come to America with the band?”

“Yes, I think I will.”

* * *

Brian was content with the dynamics of his and Cassandra’s dysfunctional relationship, coffee and tea in the day as a couple of friends holding no further feelings than fondness, love making in the night as though they were desperately ravenous for each other’s touch. 

Waking up in Cassandra’s bed had only happened once or twice in the past and of course Brian was thinking purely platonic back then but this time there was something different about waking up in his Best Friend’s bed, something domestic and he couldn’t shake off the feeling of belonging as he turned to face the sleeping girl with ethereal blonde waves spread like it were a crown of royalty. 

There was also something sentimental of seeing Cassandra in such a natural state up close. He’d never truly counted how many splashes of beige freckles on her porcelain face, or how thick her lashes were. 

His fingers gently danced over Cassandra’s shoulder, tracing every little patch of skin that her cover failed to hide, he watched her shiver under his touch and a surge of dominance fell over Brian as he let his hand wander lower and lower down Cassandra’s body, stopping at the waistband of her underwear. 

But before he could make a move, Cassandra had turned away in her sleep and instead Brian sat up and marvelled at her sleeping form, stroking strands of blonde hair from her face and pressing light kisses to her cheek before quietly slipping out of bed and checking the time on the nightstand which read a minute past six. 

Brian sighed, looking at the blackout curtains that were wide open bringing in the light of the morning, swiftly he closed them making sure the bedroom was as dark as possible to stop Cassandra being disrupted in her sleep, something told him the longer she had to sleep, the better she would be when she woke. 

So he headed to the bathroom taking his clothes with him and getting freshened up to slip out and get breakfast, knowing it would be a chore but satisfying to watch Cassandra force something fattening like a bacon roll down. He knew who she was and her excuses, she made too many at breakfast and Brian was determined, he wasn’t taking it from her and he was going to help her in a way that she would one day understand hopefully. 

After his shower, it was close to half seven, Brian dried his hair before writing a quick note to explain his absence and tucking the covers over the sleeping girl, smiling at the way she was snuggled up under the covers, an expression of innocence and golden hair sprawled across the pillow. 

He swore to himself that he didn’t have feelings, maybe he was just hoping for sex maybe he woke up in the  _ mood.  _ But Brian swallowed hard as he realised that deep down, maybe he was beginning to develop more than just lust for Cassandra. Not love, no it couldn’t be, but maybe he was hoping the fling was meaningful though he knew they had agreed it wouldn’t be. 

But the sentimentality of Cassandra scared him, every time he looked at her sleeping form, he smiled or acknowledged her in a way that people who feel nothing don’t and the fear of falling, Brian wanted to fly and avoid it though he knew he couldn’t. 

But he also wondered if he was what she needed, maybe she felt the same spark between them too. But her words from last night had Brian questioning all of the above. He was wondering a million things all at once, how could she sleep at night while having such thoughts about him, like he was one of her ex’s ready to throw her aside or abuse her. Maybe that’s what she led herself to believe knowing she only has a history in picking the wrong men. 

Brian shook it off, it wasn’t his place to pry in someone else’s issues even if he cared more than he should, he wasn’t ready to become a therapist to be shut down because Cassandra was oblivious to her own problems. Cassandra was like that, living in denial, she never self-pitied, she just went on as if everything hitting her like the eating disorder was deserved. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its been a few months, but I can report I'm here and this fic will NEVER be abandoned... in fact there's a line up of ready written chapters ;) Don't forget to leave a comment, tell me how you're liking the fic and if there's something you want to suggest, DO IT!!! XD


	7. I thought we were still best friends when we weren’t going behind everyone else’s backs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian’s feelings begin to make his casual relationship with Cassandra complicated causing tension between them while Cassandra tries pushing her feelings away and denying herself to Brian.

_Addicted_

_Chapter Six: I thought we were still best friends when we weren’t going behind everyone else’s backs_

**_1974_ **

**_London, England_ **

* * *

_  
Brian Harold May, 27_

His pace slowed and he reached his finish with a gentle, soft moan and he thrusted very slowly for another few seconds before pulling out with a light hiss, he felt completely satisfied. His flushed cheek met tenderly with Cassandra's bare neck while she leaned up against the headboard of his bed, holding nothing more than a rather unfocused stare out of the window to the nightfall abyss of stars while her trembling, delicate hand found its way to his loose and monstrous curls. They were untamed and unruly from hands pulling at them out of sheer pleasure and the wind blowing through them like Winter voices calling him to where he called home- in his dreams.

Brian desperately wanted to sink down to lay next to Cassandra, to hold her with all of his affection and murmur words that only husbands told their Wives. He tried to break the chains that had captured his beating heart, yet his mind slowly slumped and for once Brian dreaded the fame he held and he hated himself for it, just as he resented his band for ruining the humble life he’d made for himself, the one he thought he would remain a part of.

Cassandra was different, and a tension that had been built between them finally collapsed taking away what they called a platonic relationship, leaving what he expected would be deemed a mistake that was worth it in the end. 

Smashing her mouth against his; it sparked feelings through her veins that she couldn't properly explain, the one sided energy of her part against his confused and motionless body, she was coaxing him really. And he is shocked for a moment, taken aback by how she grabbed his hands and held him against her, but only for a moment as the shock is replaced with a fiery and lust for her and he relaxes and wrapping his arms around her waist, leaning himself closer. It makes a warmth and those walls that were once there between them were now broken down smashed brick for brick into smithereens. 

He was smelling strongly of beer and a lingering pleasant aftershave mixed with sweat and sex but at this stage she wasn't caring about any scent, she couldn't even remember briefly when the last time she had been kissed by a man that wasn't him really was. They broke apart like the dramatic finish to a dance, both panting, and Goosebumps invading their bodies with heated desires but fire sparkled in his eyes. 

Because of Queen, because of everything in his path. Brian questioned all of the affection he held for the Girl at his side and sometimes threw his feelings away keeping his affections tightly wound and his building fondness of her lips and her warmth tucked away so he wouldn’t have to reckon with the guilt of pulling her into the life that he didn't want for her- or himself. 

It didn't make much sense, he knew that. But Cassandra was always a woman of mystery- her feelings, distant from her surface and barely noticed. Brian felt guilty for the nights of love making without the love, he couldn't shoulder Paparazzi cameras following someone who wished to be hidden. She told him and Brian never forgot, _it's all behind me and I never want to be stalked by a camera again._

The amount of times Cassandra said herself that she loved him, the three words that opened doors for Brian- by then, he was confused as hell of his own feelings, unsure if he loved someone who gave him that opportunity to spend his life with. Confused as hell whether to do it, or run away from warm embraces and home.

Unlike Brian, Cassandra was yet to understand the heartfelt emotion felt towards Brian. She was yet to conclude her feelings, did she care for him and did she love love him? At the moment, she was in it for a companion and warm arms to be shielded from the cold.. Not only scared that she couldn't seek that same blissful pleasure in a consolation one night stand, but the affection held out for Brian. Attached to the owner of her taken stability. Awarded with warmth and smiles.

Science says, you fall in love with at least seven people before you find the one. What if Brian found his one, the almost first time? 

According to Psychologists; the average human takes four minutes to fall in love.

Brian disproved that theory as just enough fairytale cliché that any fantasist imagined after watching hours of soppy Romantics. In fact, Brian detested those who published such nonsense in papers and magazines when really the fact was nothing more than a fiction rumour. A man of science knew the scientifics of certain things, and although he knew everything he needed in his world of astrophysics and mathematics- humans remained a mystery to the humble Guitarist. Guaranteed, one does not fall in love in four minutes.

Four minutes was a reality of five years. 

Meeting her was the best thing that had ever happened to him- period. 

Among the dilemma of an Astrophysics student confused with what he wanted from the world, who he wanted to be and what he wanted to be. He didn't think meeting her would solve so many of his dilemmas, his identity returning to his pocket and suddenly he had answers he never had before. 

Like yesterday, Brian saw a Girl fresh faced with golden hair shining under the dimly lit lights of the Bar. Eyes youthful and full of an innocence that he didn't expect to take years later. What they had, what they were- was a true form of art. So many metaphors and subtle signs, symbols squeezed between them couldn't describe the end game of what was and what is. 

Watching Cassandra who sighs softly with her heart still leaping from her rising chest, Brian sat almost astonished when his eyes were met with feminine lips, plump and swollen from his attention given with fevourent force and roughness. Yet, it had to have been their most affectionate and gentle of affairs altogether. No jealousy and anger towards each other, no involuntary lust- both sitting on their own accord. It made him happier that way, seeing her winding down without tears of fury in her eyes.

It didn't take four minutes to fall for Cassandra, he was yet to fully finish falling until he was in love.

Brian's eyes landed back on her, on her ladylike fingers with manicured and freshly painted nails that were daintily gripping the bottle of Budweiser he had stolen from Roger's box in the fridge. She should've been getting dressed and ready to leave, time marches on and Brian's watch estimated less than forty five minutes until the others would be back from their night out getting wasted- without the possibility of Roger going to some Flame's for a raudy night, Freddie going to Mary's or John staying at Veronica's.

Roger was already getting closer to unknowingly discover the whole facade and Freddie was obliviously encouraging Brian to take her already. Little did his Bandmates know, or so much as suspect that their 'ridiculous' predictions being correct. It was too much to get into, Brian couldn't be bothered explanations after explanations and he felt that he just needed to enjoy his newfound secret a little bit longer. 

Sitting up with his head resting firmly against the headboard next to Cassandra who follows his action still holding her beer, Brian tenderly pulled the glass bottle from Cassandra's loose grip and perched it between his dry lips, taking a long sip that was a bit less than a mouthful and gulping before handing it back to Cassandra with a relieved sigh. Closing his eyes, conflict began to rage inside of his head as he knew tonight couldn't be the night everyone discovers them.

The thing about her, whatever this was that they had- he didn't want to make it official. In life, nothing ever runs smoothly. For Brian, he wanted to enjoy this fairytale before the poetry stopped writing itself, fairytale endings turning into lucid dreams that made him wake screaming. He just wanted to savour the company before he inevitably became alone.

Cassandra however had her own reasons for not wanting to publicize their fling, he predicted that it had something to do with her fear of committing to him. They agreed on sleeping together without feelings, Brian might’ve lost that one, but Cassandra seemed to continue to fight it.

He was going to be alone tonight, like he always was whenever the others were lurking about- or in this case, stumbling and puking up beer. He'd be alone in a cold bed watching the sleeping town while everyone had someone warm beside them. Sighing heavily, he looked at her. “You need to go,” he mumbled, opening his eyes and looking over at her with his heavily lidded eyes, guilt and upset in his pupils dancing their conga. He didn't want her to leave, but they both didn't want anyone to know of their secret. The thoughts of being caught under the sheets was something that sparked a fiery thrill in his beating heart that refused to die down. But Brian feigned that thrill- for her sake. Turning a 180 and looking Cassandra in the eye throwing a hand on the back of her naked neck and pulling her in for a loose, open-mouthed kiss that allowed her to taste all of the beer from his mouth. 

She responded by inhaling and holding it for a moment before pulling away just a couple inches to exhale, then coming right back in for a real kiss, one that transpired into a desperate plea for companionship and exaggerated with adventurous hands roaming warm and soft skin. But there was also a tenderness to it, one that betrayed Brian’s feelings that he promised weren't there. Cassandra knew that Brian loved her when he shouldn't have, she was close to the same. 

More time passed and the thoughts of being caught in Brian's bed didn’t stop Cassandra from sitting on Brian's naked lap as she guided the tentative kiss deeper, tongues swiping across lower lips. His two arms wrapped around Cassandra's slim waist, firmly pulling her into him while her thighs rub his softened cock. She marvelled over his remarkably firm arms – in fact, she thought Brian was far more able-bodied and powerful now than he’d been playing the Red Special for a couple years and parading out on stage.

A blissful moment passes and they're apart once more, her fingers entwined with his own. The warmth in their palms hot and strong like the sun shining on exposed skin. Cassandra looks up to Brian with a slight smile playing on her stretched out lips, white teeth exposed ever so slightly and her free hand ruffled her already after-sex hair. She squeezed her fingers tightly around his large hand like a signal of her fears, Brian wondered what her fears were in that moment- alone and unloved or the fear of loss, her eyes seemed to tell him a story that included him as the lifeless Prince cradled by a grieving Princess.

All too casually Cassandra spoke up, taking hold of her bottle of beer, the cap damp with their mingled saliva. "What if there was only one choice?" She asks, attention drawn to the half empty beer. Brian questioned her words without a solution, such an odd question that made his hand leave hers with instant regret painting his furrowed brow. "And all those other choices are wrong, there were little signs along the way you paid attention to, telling you not to make those mistakes.."

Her eyes scanned his own for a reaction, his chill that flew up his spine caused from worry- goes unmissed and she only smiles with a reassurance that only made Brian fall even farther than head over heels. "Then," he whispered with a hand trailing up her exposed hipbone- a tender and gentle act that earns a soft and breathy chuckle fall from Cassandra's swollen lips. He'd do this every second of every day and she'd let him, swimming in intimate privacy as he showed her what her worth is to him. If he could, he'd travel all over earth just to be able to cuddle her.

He realised he didn't answer her insanely perplexing question. Thinking all about choices and paths, he had to conclude- nevertheless, he fantasised she would still be here, in his bed, naked only in the alternative she would hold the May surname and maybe a wedding ring. "All those choices," he said softly taking her hand in his own, "would lead to very different moments and different conclusions."

"Really?" Asked Cassandra, sending a trail of soft kisses up Brian's exposed neck, he hums in response to his own conclusion. 

"Without a mistake?" He'd wanted to think he was some scientist making a breakthrough in something extreme like he had the theory to everything, but he was wrong, thinking deeper into the puzzling question and receiving double the choices to one equation. If life was made of corrections- they wouldn't be here together, maybe they would never have met. Would Roger and Freddie and John be his friends and would Smile and Queen have ever existed? "We wouldn't even be where we are. You, here, in my bed. Queen wouldn't have existed because Smile wouldn't have formed. I’d never have met you.” 

Her nose wrinkles, the thought of being a mistake was something that had her taken aback and yet she only held admiration for Brian's honesty, she felt herself needing to ask him something she hoped would give her an honest evaluation of what they had. "well am I a good mistake, do you think meeting me was a good mistake?" A fake smile on her lips, on the outside she sounded to be teasing him practically and on the inside she was testing him with his conclusion of science and his never spoken feelings. An Astrophysicist and a Girl who had the looks of a magazine cover Girl- such an odd couple and yet aside from the differences in educations and strong points, they enjoyed the same things. 

Cassandra was left insecure at his words. Brian knew that himself, he knew her almost as well as her family knew her and the thought should've intimidated the Girl but for some reason, she liked the danger of being known so well by someone who was supposed to care nothing about her unless he wasn't satisfying her or dominating her.

Brian snorts, "simply the best mistake I made." He'd take every universal punishment possible just to remain in the warm position he was in at the moment. "I'd be some stuck up Professor with a PhD in Astrophysics. A nobody with nothing valuable." Not for the sex, but the bond of two people and the excitement of a secret only they kept. Brian thought, long and hard. So many incompatibilities in their ways, Cassandra was- she was certainly something Brian wasn't. “I mean I’m nothing to look at, but I have a woman who’s been in the modelling industry and could probably have much more fitting men but seems to fine with boring old me.”

How could he describe Her? Brian wondered, watching her redress with his eyes gleaming with fondness and a compassion he didn't even have for Roger. 

Kind? Something like that, an incident at Kensington coming back to his mind. Rain pouring and he'd thought nobody had the decency to help him from his embarrassed and hurt state. She came, umbrella in one hand and a kindness in her eyes helping him stand and brushing dirt off of his knees with her free hand.

Aside from her kindness that wasn't deliberate, Brian had come to admire Cassandra's strength. Her head held high during the darkest hours of her life, days and months suffering from an eating disorder- Now she was here in his arms with a healthier outlook and a future so open and brighter than a Summer Solstice sun. The courage alone had to have been overwhelming trying to forget and move on with reminders all over the place. Brian, loved Cassandra's maturing strength.

“You’re not boring, Brian.” Cassandra responded, playing with her fingertips as she turned to look at him. “Might I add you’re in a band that’s really picking up you can probably have girls on each side?” 

He didn’t think about it the way she seemed to, Brian sighed sadly, replaying her words in his mind. Was she pushing him to go to another girl? He couldn’t help think with an intimidating outcome. What if she didn’t care about him, what if she was secretly in a relationship and she was finding the perfect way to get rid of him. 

No further thought pops into his mind, especially at the moment he felt himself being pulled into another smouldering and passionate kiss, Brian leaned into it unable to pull back and ignore the igniting passion that radiated from her lips that fit so perfectly against his own like jigsaw pieces connected both physically- but also emotionally. Even for however long they had left before the truth came or the risks became too much, Brian treasured it knowing there never would be someone like her. He really felt like a sap, but a good kind.

There were so many things wrong with the fling, like the sworn to secrecy. Whether it was a thrilling excitement, Brian still felt he was committing an infidelity with another man's woman- only the man didn't exist and instead he and she were just too afraid to admit that the people around them were right and confirm something they teased and enticed for so long.

Cassandra for Brian, was a perfect match. Not because they liked the same things, they were more opposites but the fact that she seemed interested enough to learn about what he liked and spend time with him doing things he liked and she liked. 

She was nothing like other girls who saw him in the band or as the boy who studied astrophysics. She wasn’t like girls who either saw him as a guitarist of some stupid band or just a nobody who was too smart to have the things he wanted. She seemed to see him as someone relevant, Cassandra seemed to treat him with such delicacy and care that Brian sometimes felt he didn’t deserve it. 

"Wait, wait- Stop!" 

She pulled back, muttering something that sounded along those lines of: I think I'm going to be sick! She rose from her position and threw her crumpled up dress over her naked body and flew to the bathroom leaving a very much stunned Brian pressing his two fingers to his lips. Savouring that feeling of warmth that lingered on his lips a little longer. The warmth fades and just when Brian went to find her- as clear as day, the obvious and ear-stinging sounds of dry heaving and vomiting filled his two vulnerable ears. He follows the sounds and finds her kneeling over the toilet bowl looking sweatier than before and inhumanly pale, unfastened dress falling from her hunched shoulders.

Once more, it comes up and holding back disgust with concern- he kneeled down beside her and encouraged her to let it all out while pulling back strawberry blonde hair into a makeshift ponytail. "You have a fever." Brian noted with a palm on her burning forehead, his hand lingering longer than it should've. He found the moment utterly transfixed, funny how one can get sick so quickly and so suddenly, in his opinion. "Are you alright? Shall I ring a Doctor?" 

She shook her head with the expression of a petulant child on her face, "I'm fine!" The young woman insists looking mortified, She went to apologise but Brian quickly stopped her, escorting her back to his room where his clothes mingled on the floor along with her jacket and tights. "I actually feel a little dizzy," Cassandra admitted bashfully with a smile that butter couldn't melt. "Probably nothing."

Brian huffed, "nothing? If my hand had been on your head any longer Love- I'd be getting treated for third degree burns." A little exaggerated but not far from Brian's truth. She found his worry cute, inconvenient and unnecessary, but also downright Gentleman-y and very cute. Brian, Cassandra noted, did that worry a lot around her. Since the first hook-up at least- his insecurity of being broken hearted and unloved coming to light. It explained his behaviours somehow, but the parts where he shows no emotion and acts like an idiot in moments she needs answers.

But she still found herself wearing one of his t-shirts and a pair of his boxers climbing into his bed and slowly falling asleep while Brian’s state lingered on her as though looking away would mean she’d disappear before he shrugged and fetched the basin from the kitchen for any more vomit. 

“Did I make you sick?” Brian couldn’t help asking as he got into bed beside her, watching her huff and look at him in confusion. “Was I perhaps too rough and maybe… well I was so rough that I made you sick?” 

The Girl sleepily laughed at that, the idea sounding ridiculous in her mind though her heart fluttered at his concern for her and ability to point out his own mistake even if there wasn’t one. “No of course you didn’t, I would’ve told you to stop if I thought you were going too hard. I’m sure I’ll feel better in the morning.”

He somehow doubted it, stroking her warm forehead with his fingers. “Cassandra you have a fever love, that doesn’t just disappear after a nap; have you felt ill all day?” 

“Just sleepy, but it’s nothing. Why are you so concerned, I’ve already told you it’s nothing to do with how rough you were or how you shagged me, Brian you’re sounding like I’m more than just-.”

“I thought we were still best friends when we weren’t going behind everyone else’s backs?”

The question seemed to stun Cassandra into silence, it stunned Brian himself as he began to realise just how deep the relationship had changed everything that they had. They had been best friends at a time, the thought of losing her in that way made Brian upset. Was she only around him for his body, what if the sex had ruined the relationship they had and they couldn’t back down from it. 

Questions loomed over Brian like a thick blanket, dark and unanswered. Cassandra wasn’t like that, he knew that, but her words and reluctance of his concern seemed to define her in a different way than he knew her. 

The light on his bedside table was lit and Cassandra was sitting up with her arms crossed over her chest. “Brian… you’re not catching feelings are you?” She asked with a raised brow, eyes worried for his response- they never had the conversation about feelings, so it was certainly an uneasy aroma at the sudden beginning of a long discussion. 

He hesitated before shaking his head, “of course not!” He said too defensively to be proper truth, he grimaced at his own response while Cassandra looked too defeated to pursue the conversation. “You’re nice ‘an all, but I don’t want a relationship when I’m going to be touring all over the place, there’s going to be girls out there who I also can’t resist while I come back here and we shag to merely stop the loneliness.” 

_What?_ Maybe it was stupidity that made him say it, but inside, Brian was screaming at himself for being so hurtful. He never meant to say that, but he felt relieved when Cassandra didn’t seem to look hurt, only confused. 

“So you basically belittled me for flirting with that stage crew member at your show last month when you‘ve probably fucked some tart before pounding me? That’s what you’re implying here.” 

“No, I only go for other women when I’m too far away to get a quickie.” 

“So that’s your kink, you have to admit it, you’re possessive and it’s actually quite a turn on.” 

He laughed at her statement bringing them back into safe waters and avoiding an argument. “Yeah and maybe the fact that I was told I’m just some stupid smart boy who wasn’t going to get the girls has me pounding you because you’re the cool girl who’s been on front covers and worn High priced clothes. We’re the opposite of each other and maybe that’s why I enjoy fucking your brains out, knowing that while the bastards around us have the last laugh.” 

“You’re not a stupid smart boy, maybe you just need to dominate the people around you and charm them like you do me.” The Girl replies smiling smugly at his grin. 

Silence soon filled the room, Brian sighed as he turned to Cassandra who stared back uncomfortably.

“I don’t think we should see each other like this anymore.” Cassandra said, simply. Like the words were easy and meaningless to get out. It caused Brian to feel angry, at how carelessly she had said it, like he meant nothing to her.

“You can’t be serious Cassandra.”

Cassandra stopped him before he could say anything else. “You’re right, we’re supposed to be best friends Brian. Look at what we had, how close we were, how could we sleep with each other and not expect one of us to develop feelings… you care more than you should and I’m so sorry for having to do this.” 

He frowned, understanding but still nevertheless angry. “So that’s how you end things? Cassandra I’m not an idiot, so don’t try and take me as one. You’re being a hypocrite if you’re telling me that you feel nothing for me back.” He struggled to find the words to say, but he was truly trying. “All those nights you’d phone me desperate for me to either listen to you or fuck you in order for you to forget a terrible day at work. You’re lying to me and I think you’re lying to yourself.” 

“I think I should go.”

Brian watched her undress his clothes from herself and return them to his drawer before getting redressed in her own clothes. She looks at him once more before disappearing from the flat leaving Brian stunned in his own silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment what you think 😊😊😊☺️


	8. One more time?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra tries to break it off with Brian, but they both can’t resist each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning !!

_Addicted_

_Chapter Seven: One more time?_

**1974**

**London, England**

* * *

_ Brian Harold May, 27 _

  
The day to leave for America had never come so fast for Brian who lay awake at half five in the morning, he was due to be at Cassandra’s flat for the back of six to help her get her bags into the back of the van while the others prepared themselves. 

Brian thought of it as a curse, suddenly wishing he’d never asked her to join them on the tour, wishing he’d never persuaded her when she said no. 

He walks her into the kitchen, watching her pack the last of her clothes into the last bag while he decided without saying a thing, to make tea before the journey. "Brian, I'm worried about us." Cassandra said, sitting down on one of the kitchen chairs, He shrugs unable to say anything in agreement nor disagreement, instead looking at her wondering what she had to be worried about.. 

“Everything’s fine, Cassandra.” He simply said with an expression that Cassandra felt intimidated by. “We’re fine, what possibly is there to worry about have  _ you caught  _ feelings?” 

Cassandra smiled sadly, she had, but she was refusing to admit to it. Terrified that Brian would run off with another girl when he became something, how could she let herself fall in love with someone who wasn’t going to be by her side like a normal man. “No.” She replied with a hand on his shoulder. “BrianI don’t want to have sex with you again.” She paused wondering if her words sounded awful, rude, Cassandra sighed and shook her head. “I want us to be what we were, and I want to be your friend Brian, I’m sorry, but maybe we’re not doing ourselves any favours by sleeping together like it’s nothing… in fact it can’t be healthy. I feel like I’m leading you on and so, I can’t do it anymore.” 

Brian nodded, he smiled forcefully trying to hold back the sudden anger he felt at her words and instead scratched the back of his neck. 

Cassandra licked her lips nervously, as if afraid of his response. Despite this awful rejection, he still wanted to kiss those same lips; to kiss them and push her back against those pillows and make love to her until she changed her mind.

He crossed his arms, "You're a cruel woman, Cassandra Barnes."

"I don't mean to be," she said, her voice quaking. She quietly stood from her chair, going to the bathroom and shutting the door behind her. As if to cement the divide she had imposed between them, he heard the snick of the lock clicking into place.

He came to the door, laying his forehead against the cool wood. "You were right, you know," Brian sighed, "About all of this being a giant mistake, you might not have said it, but I know that’s what you probably think of us."

On the door's other side, Cassandra’s eyes swelled with unshed tears. It tore her heart to hear the confirmation in his voice. She wanted to say something, refute Brian’s statement; but how can she argue back when he was just certain he was repeating her own unspoken words?

Why was it so damn hard for her to say, "I love you"?

Why was it so dangerous? Why did it have to hurt so badly?

Brian’s voice dropped to a whisper, "Before all of this happened, I was naive about how I felt. I could have chalked it all up to being longtime friends, or just being enthralled a beautiful woman who I saw almost every day. I wasn't really aware of how much I…needed you."

Cassandra gnawed at her bottom lip, remaining silent.

Brian pressed his palm to the door, hoping she'd open it. "Cassie, just...tell me that I'm not the only one that feels this way. Tell me you feel it too."

When she finally spoke, her voice cracked, "Of course I do ,Brian. It will be better for us this way, you'll see."

He swallowed his hurt before answering, "Better for who, exactly? 'Cause it's definitely not better for me."

Part of Cassandra wanted to scoop Brian into a hug and never let go, another just wanted him to stop talking. Brian sighed in defeat. “I don’t know what to do anymore whether I should walk away from you and never look at you again or stay with you like we once promised each other through every dark moment we’ve seen each other through.” 

Cassandra’s eyes grew wet, angry and emotional. “Brian you’re not saying that, no, we’re okay”

"Do you even give a damn for my feelings?" He asked suddenly. She falters, eyes widening as her concern grew bigger. Sighing, she unlocked the bathroom door and opened it standing face to face with an emotional Brian. 

"Brian why would you even ask that?" She whispered gripping his shoulders, "You’re everything to me, you’re… you’re my best friend." He stifled a laugh, genuine as he looked at her damp eyes. “You’re the only man I’m…” Cassandra covered her mouth as a light choke of emotion went through her. “Brian you’re the only man I’ve ever been confident enough to have sex with, and it scares me. It scares me that I’m not terrified when you put your hands on me, it scares me that unlike the others I’ve slept with, you’re the only one that I can trust not to judge my body.” 

“Doesn’t that tell you that you Cassandra?” 

“No because I think back to our friendship and I realise that I overstepped and I can’t risk losing you as my best friend, I can’t risk one day where we stop lusting and we lose each other forever. You mean too much to me and you’ll never realise that.” 

“Maybe not, but it sure feels like the opposite at the moment Cassandra.” 

* * *

  
The take off was usually the most exciting part of a plane ride, at least Brian remembered from a past trip to Tenerife. The plane moved onto the runway with a gentle gliding motion. When it picked up speed, the plane bumped and  pushed him back into his seat. 

But sitting beside Cassandra, it was a mental torture as she had distanced herself from him. Her arms were crossed and she had deliberately turned away from him, making it painfully obvious that she wanted nothing to be said. 

Instead of the usual jokes, back and forth banter, and light discussion that they normally shared, it was a heavy silence. One that could actually be felt. Brian tried to speak only when necessary. Likewise, Cassandra only answered in short "yes" or "no" terms.

He had always enjoyed hearing Cassandra’s voice, even before he developed feelings, and now with this forced emotional distance between them, it was hard on his heart.

Brian understood what she had meant by "we shouldn't do this". He really did. He wasn't an idiot. It was the main reason why he had struggled making the first move himself for years. They both were risking a lot by crossing that delicate boundary between friends and lovers. 

His mentality was pretty much riding on Cassandra’s heels. She was that sense of normalcy for Brian, the shoulder he had to cry on and now that their friendship was in danger. A bond that had spanned over half a decade. Brian was currently defunct right now, Would he be able to sit and shoot the breeze with Cassandra again like old friends do? Just go on with their platonic relationship together like nothing had ever happened? Just pretend that he didn't know how soft her lips were now?

Brian glanced across the seat and saw that Cassandra was sitting as far away from him as possible, her head leaning against the window, eyes focused on the clouds whizzing by. He wondered what was on her mind and selfishly hoped that it was him.

“Would it be wrong if we slept together one more time?"

She bit her bottom lip, considering his offer, and Brian pleaded again. "Just once more? And then we'll never speak of this again. Maybe if we get this out of our system, it'll be easier to go back to being only friends."

Cassandra licked her lips, suddenly dry, and nodded her head. "Okay. Just one more time."

The bathroom at the back of the plane, so it took minutes for Brian to watch Cassandra disappear from her seat. 

She opened the door to the restroom and sat alone on the sink with only the engine noise for company. 

It felt like hours had passed, and there was no sign of him. 

* * *

  
A long time later the door handle moved and Brian opened the door just enough for him to step inside, crouching a bit to fit through the opening, and then quickly closed it again and turned the lock. He Came to her across the bathroom in two steps, crashing his mouth to hers. Her arms winded around his neck, pulling him closer. She wasted no time pushing her tongue past his lips, melting herself into him. 

He lifted her effortlessly, placing her gently on the bathroom counter. His hands rolled her tank top up and over her head, while she was busy kicking off her panties.

He had sworn to himself moments ago that he would take it slow, mesmerize her curves, kiss every bit of skin he could reach if given another chance. But the instant that Cassandra’s hands had unbuckled his jeans, her fingers reaching in and curling around his hardness, he knew his plans were lost. Instead, they were replaced by such a need that almost choked him. 

  
  


“We probably shouldn’t get undressed…” Brian mumbled against her mouth, barely breaking the kiss for long enough to get the words out but he let Cassandra pull back, pressing lighter kisses against his mouth and moving down to kiss and nip along his jaw, though gently as to not to leave marks on his skin - no matter how much she was eager to. 

“Is this alright with you?” he whispered, his voice a low rumble. He leaned in to lick and kiss at her exposed neck and she tilted her head back to give him better access letting her blonde hair cascade and tickle her skin while her hands landed at each side of his head urging him deeper into her flesh, she wouldn’t have cared if he did leave marks and Brian knew that too well with her eagerness.

Brian’s fingers were trailing inward, towards her throbbing core. Cassandra’s knees buckled when his long fingers massaged along the soaked front of her panties, and Brian tightened his grip around her waist and groaned lowly against her neck.

Brian pushed himself up to kiss her again, fierce and hot, and Cassandra tangled one hand in his hair accidentally yanking his scalp, as he pulled her panties aside and slipped two fingers deep inside her.

She gasped and ground against his hand as he scissored his fingers and twisted them inside her. Her voice squeaked in a high-pitched whine as Brian crooked his fingers and rubbed against her g-spot, and Brian quickly swallowed down the noise before Cassandra’s moans could grow too loud and draw outside attention to their moment.

Air? Food? Water? None of it compared to what might happen if he didn't get inside her soon. He was afraid he might explode, literally combust from the inside out.

  
  


Brian’s hands fell to Cassandra’s slim waist and he gently whispered into her ear, “Wrap your legs around me, okay?” He lifted her up with a small grunt, balancing her on the edge of the sink but still supporting most of her weight with his arms, which flex and strain under the effort. Cassandra wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him in close and Brian went willingly, lining up his cock at her entrance and sinking into her slowly.

She had to hold her breath in order to stop the loud moan that wanted to slip out as Brian bottomed out inside, his cock filling her so much that it was almost a pained sort of pleasure, lighting up every nerve ending in her body even before he started rocking into her. The first thrust has her leaning forward, ducking her head against Brian’s shoulder to muffle the noises that she can’t hold back any longer while gasping breathlessly.

He looked deeply into her eyes, wanting to see her reaction. They pressed together, her breasts grazing across his chest. She moaned his name softly, just barely audible, before seizing his mouth for a deep kiss. 

He wanted to be gentle and easy, make it last for however long fate would allow. If this was the last time he would have her intimately, then he wanted to prove to Cassandra just how much she meant to him. 

“Fuck, you feel so good, you’re so fucking good,” Brian praises and he thrusted into her fast and hard not even grimacing at the sound of their skin slapping together. Cassandra’s fingernails dig crescent moons into his arms while she weakly clung tightly to him scared to let him go while she panted and shut her eyes tightly enjoying every little movement he made.

Brian’s thrusts started to speed up and he brought a hand between them to rub at her clit and Cassandra bit down on his shoulder to stifle her loud cry of pleasure resulting in Brian sending a harsh thrust and letting out a long groan.

When he started to thrust, Brian found he couldn't stop, and was no longer in control. It was as if his brain had been shut off, only performing the basic functions to spur him along; absorbing Cassandra’s High pitched pants, her breasts bouncing with the friction, her lips swollen from his kissing, all those sensual little details that Brian was trying to remember for a lifetime.

They rutted together roughly, her hips pushing up, trying to meet his own harsh movements. He could feel her fingernails digging into his biceps, her cries echoing in the small bathroom. Brian was completely lost in her, his mind barely registering Cassandra whimpering, "God, Jesus, Bri…please…don't stop."

He knew his time with this beloved woman was coming to an end, the unspoken biological goal reaching closer and closer. She kissed him then, raking her teeth lightly along his bottom lip. He could feel her inner walls fluttering against his cock, felt her legs tighten around his waist, drawing him in as deep as possible, trying to reach that sweet place.

"Please…" she begged again.

Obeying her whim, he let go of her hip and moved his fingers between their bodies. With a feather-light touch, he rubbed the sensitive nub above where their bodies joined. Cassandra seemed to melt in his hands.

“Want you come for me, love, c’mon, come on my cock,” Brian says, and that’s all it takes.

  
  


All strength left her body as she came, her head tilted back against the mirror, Cassandra’s orgasm hit suddenly, white-hot pleasure setting her on fire as she forcefully clenched her walls on Brian’s thick cock and writhed against him panting furiously. Brian ducked his head to capture her lips in another kiss, her pornographic and whiny cries lost in his mouth as his fingers worked her through her orgasm, his fingers circling and teasing at her clit without pause. He’d stolen her breath and left her weakened and shaking against him.

  
  
  


Brian’s hips stuttered into Cassandra’s with an accidental toughness that had Cassandra clenching her teeth and pressing her nails into his shoulders, and he’s groaning and his hand finally fell away from her clit as he ground against her, chasing his own pleasure slowly. She brought her lips to his neck, sucking the skin there. It was more than enough to push him into the great white abyss. He spilled himself inside her, the universe around him dissolving. All that remained was just him and Cassandra. He groaned her name over and over and over, his hips still languidly moving against her, until slowly coming to a stop.

They kept kissing and rubbing each others’ hands on their burning flesh , until Brian’s climax ends and the two of them are left tangled together, panting and breathless and slowly coming down from their highs.

Brian pulled out gently and lifted her limb form back to the floor. Cassandra’s legs didn’t want to work properly and she leaned heavily against the sink as Brian quickly wet a paper towel at the tap. He cleaned their mess away from the inside of her thighs with a tenderness that makes her heart ache, he then fetched second paper towel to wipe the sweat away from his face and clean himself up.

Brian kissed her with as much passion as he could muster and said the only thing that felt right at that moment, "I lov-"

"No. Don't say it," Cassandra interrupted, clapping her hand over his mouth, "Friends shouldn't say that to each other."

He closed his eyes to hide his hurt and kissed the palm of her hand instead. She leaned her sweaty forehead to his and asked, "We are still friends, right?"

Brian nodded, "Friends."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment what you thought 😇😊


	9. There's no Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra all of a sudden is sick causing Brian to overthink and question whether Cassandra's relapsing, or if she's really sick. Meanwhile Cassandra has her suspicions about her sickness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definite trigger warning throughout this chapter as it does mention triggering content about eating disorders. It also goes into brief detail about purging.

_Addicted_

_Chapter Eight_ _: There's no Way_

**_1974_ **

**_Denver, USA_ **

* * *

  
  
  


_Brian Harold May, 27_

  
  


Brian fiddled with his suitcase as he smiled awkwardly to Cassandra strolling behind him, she looked ethereal as her sleepily brushed blonde hair bounced from the hours cooked in the plane had caused what was usually Cassandra’s chemically straightened hair to become the shell of its naturally bouncy and curly hair, though frizzy and a little oily. 

“Erm Bri can we stop, I’m feeling really sick again.” 

Brian immediately paused, nodding as he urged the girl to sit down on a nearby bench. Freddie and the others including Miami and Mary had gone sightseeing with the band Mott the Hoople while Brian had offered to take Cassandra straight to the hotel they were staying in as she had grown queasy and clammy. 

“Cassandra are you sure you’re alright?” Brian asked growing concerned only to be answered with a series of short dry heaves and Cassandra’s reflexes putting her bent awkwardly over the bench armrest while everything seemed to just spill out. The sickening splatter on the pavement was enough to make Brian himself feel queasy, but he swallowed it down pulling the girl’s hair behind her ears and rubbing a reassuring hand on her back. 

Passers by seemed to glare at the couple which intimidated Brian to say the least, he muttered small and humble apologies to every person that seemed to acknowledge the ill Girl with either disgust or the slightest of concern. He felt wrong for the humiliation that seemed to eat away at him everytime he felt someone different stare at them, but Brian couldn’t help the mortification as he watched everything unfold in front of him as though he were a teenage boy being embarrassed by a parent.

“I’m so sorry,” Cassandra whispered, eventually sitting back upright, grimacing at the scene she had caused. Brian had merely shrugged urging her that she needed to see a doctor, only to be denied adamantly by Cassandra. She was as humiliated as he was, if not worse. But she had a good way of making the expression of one who couldn’t care less for their actions though unknown to others she wanted to lock herself away and cry her humiliation and the derogatory feelings she felt away.

When they eventually made it to their shared room, Brian awkwardly smiled at the two double beds, secretly relieved that they wouldn’t be sharing a bed, but also selfishly wondering if she’d end up in his bed during the stay. 

“I’ll make us some tea Cassie, why don’t you get a bath and try to y’know relax yourself a bit?” Suggested Brian, he smiled for a moment before heading to the small pot sitting on a birchwood table and setting it up whilst grimacing at the ugly floral wallpaper donning the entire room. White with big and busy pastel blue flowers all over them. 

When he looked over, Cassandra was half asleep on the settee, suitcase by her feet and shoes discarded beside them. She didn’t look unwell, or warm, or anything concerning, simply tired and Brian could’ve sworn her face looked a little chubbier at her cheeks than usual, but maybe that was because she’d been in such a rush that she’d left home without foundation on leaving her natural freckled cheeks on exposure. 

“Cass… get into bed love if you’re tired.” 

Cassandra immediately perked up looking like a deer in headlights, wiping herself down with her hands and smiling nervously. “Tired? No, I’m just feeling sick again and I just want to lie it off for a bit, but I’ll be fine don’t worry about me.” 

He chuckled at her dismissal of worry simply smiling genuinely and shyly towards her as he poured the two cups of tea that had finished boiling in the time it took Cassandra to get off the settee and approach him the few feet away in the hotel room. 

“You look awfully tired, are you 100% sure you don’t want to go for a nap?” 

“Brian I’m 150% sure, I want to come and see you and the boys at your debut tonight.” 

He smiled sadly, “I know you do but is it the wisest thing if you’re feeling like the way you are now? Love, you’re going to be cramped with people and the heat in the place or if the bathroom isn’t near enough, maybe see how you feel tomorrow and then decide to come and see us. It’s not your fault you’re feeling ill, but I don’t want you making it worse for yourself.” 

He’d sounded so genuine that Cassandra couldn’t help the blush creeping on her cheeks from hearing the way he softly reassured her. “Brian, I’ll be-“ 

He then watched her proceed to sprint to the small en-suite bathroom, returning after a few minutes after dry heaving. “I thought I was going to but I’m fine. See?” 

“I think you know I’m not persuaded at all by that, love. I can’t tell you what to do, but I’m thinking of you when I’m planning things.” 

… … … 

Of course it wasn’t a competition, but seeing her passed out on top of the bed he assumed was hers, created some form of pride for Brian, knowing he was right and Cassandra looking so at peace in her sleep. 

Her blonde hair was spread around her pillow like a halo of golden curls, shining in the dim lamplight and the sunlight that shone through the curtains. Cassandra’s lips were parted slightly as light snores escaped her chapped lips. 

Brian couldn’t help acknowledging her as though she were a form of art. Instead, he merely shrugged off his emotions and pulled the blankets from under her and tucked her in, cautious to keep her warm and hoping she would be out for the count. She’d be upset with him for having her miss out on the first ever performance Queen had ever done in the US, but Cassandra’s resentment of having someone put her health and wellbeing first wasn’t Brian’s biggest concern at that moment. What if he caught whatever it was she might’ve had and the tour ended up being cut short, or what if she’d made herself ill again? 

He’d known Cassandra long enough to know her like he knew the back of his own hand. She was a sensitive Woman who didn’t have a structure of cold stone when it came to her emotions, and truly, he wondered if she was anxious, or much to his worry, what if she was secretly purging- it would explain how she was sick, but didn’t hold a temperature, nor did she look under the weather, she was only being sick and aside from earlier, she’d always made it to the bathroom with plenty of time to stage it.

The scenario worried him, but it also angered him that she’d do that to him. All that came to his mind at that moment were the two words he’d only ever used jokingly.

_“Cassandra, you stupid stupid Girl.”_

For another peaceful moment, he simply studied her sleeping form, letting his eyes memorize her body under the covers in attempt to make a mental calculation of her weight so he could make comparisons in the future in order to hopefully prove his theory wrong. If she’s truly purging, she’ll drop weight quickly, he whispered to himself with a look of confusion before turning away and fetching his suitcase which remained untouched at the front door where he’d abandoned it. 

Unpacking his suitcase in silence, every so often Brian’s eyes drifted to Cassandra, what if bringing her on tour with him when their friendship was obviously tarnished was what was bringing the stress to Cassandra’s shoulders. A weight grew heavy on his shoulders as guilt seeped through his skin like dirt he couldn’t just wash off. He was doing what he thought was best and now he had built another obstacle between them.

He was tempted at that moment to shake her awake and scream at her to stop, but he couldn’t because he didn’t have the emotional strength to do it. Just weakness. He was too fragile and he blamed his best friend, like she probably blamed him for most of her own problems.

How was he supposed to be able to watch her every moment from now, without wanting to cry and weep at their downfall. He couldn’t promise strength.

But he was determined to lift the weights.

….. ….. …..

  
  


When Cassandra woke, it was nightfall. Brian’s side of the room was untouched, meaning he and the band were obviously onstage which caused Cassandra to frown in annoyance toward Brian for 1. Not waking her and letting her miss his first big performance and 2. For not even telling her he was leaving, if he didn’t want her at the show, she still felt he could’ve at least said goodbye on the way out. 

Of course the anger didn’t last long, once the familiar clench of her stomach muscles had her sprinting for the bathroom, Brian was the last thought on her mind as she emptied her stomach into the bowl, quickly and furiously and her throat was burning until she stopped being sick, and until she stopped dry-heaving. 

She couldn’t have a sickness bug, she frowned, she wasn’t too hot nor too cold. She wasn’t sweating or shivering all the time and she didn’t have any other sort of sickness symptom, she felt as light as rain even after she was sick and Cassandra grew suspicious very quickly.

There’s no way, she thought reminding herself that she regularly took contraception. She and Brian used a condom once or twice, but Cassandra was on the pill which was proven to stop unwanted pregnancies and reduce conception by over 90%, there was no way she was pregnant, maybe she needed to wait until she got a temperature, or wait until she developed a sore head. 

The very idea of being pregnant caused Cassandra to wince, losing her body shape, her frame and having to put her life on hold for a baby that she hadn’t planned, nor truthfully wanted. Cassandra grimaced at the thought attempting to shake it out of her mind, dismissing it almost immediately. No way, she told herself as she paced up and down. But she still had that uncertainty clawing at her brain like an unwanted itch she wanted to scratch, perhaps she could find a 24 hour pharmacy somewhere and pick up one of those disposable pregnancy tests. 

They were new to Cassandra, but she’d heard of them a couple of years back and according to a friend of hers, they took forever and they were large contraptions that were similar to an entire science lab. The thought of having one of those was unappealing to Cassandra, but Brian being in the same room as her made the thought even more unappealing, she didn’t need to have him over her shoulder asking questions or starting an argument, she probably wasn’t even pregnant. 

“There you are, didn’t you hear me shout you?”

Cassandra turned swiftly to Brian who smiled awkwardly at her surprise, but he merely held a bag of takeout in his hand and disappeared out the bathroom. “I assumed you would’ve woken up by now, so while the boys and Mary are out partying down in the dungeons as they call it, I got us a bite. I got your favourite.” 

The scent of the takeout had Cassandra oddly hungry, she could’ve sworn she was starving by the way her stomach seemed to call out for her to take the offer. So swiftly, she followed Brian and smiled watching him setting the plates and cutlery up.

“It won’t be anything like London, I know, but hopefully it’s just as good.” The Guitarist remarked with a shrug, stopping when he saw the girl eagerly take her plate and practically dig in like a man drowning for air. “I take it you’re hungry then?” He chuckled, failing to hide the surprise in his voice.

“Actually,” she started before swallowing her food. “It’s not that I’m hungry, it just smells, and tastes mind you, brilliant, and I haven’t had such a temptation to scoff a meal like this before.” Sbe watched Brian for a reaction, frowning at the way he narrowed his eyes toward her and picked at his meal while eyeing her everytime he thought she wouldn’t notice.

After a few minutes silence, Brian spoke up with a soft smile. “How are you feeling after your sleep?” He asked causing Cassandra to giggle at nothing in particular. “You’ve certainly perked up a bit, you’re looking a hell of a lot brighter than earlier.” 

“I still feel sick, but I don’t know… It’s an odd one really.”

“How odd?”

She paused, raising a brow at the look of expectancy on his face. “I think it’s my time of the month, so I’m not sick.”

He nods in understanding, she thought. But Brian was expecting Cassandra to mention her weight, along the lines of it. He knew how she worked when she was purging, that tell tale mention of her weight almost always gave her away. But surprisingly, Cassandra had emptied her plate and no mention of how she felt either greedy or fat for eating so much, Brian thought about it. She just wasn’t her usual self.

“Anyway enough about me, Brian how was the show, do you think you performed alright? Was the audience bigger than the ones in England?”

He let out a chuckle at her eagerness to know about the concert and he happily told her all about how it went opening for Mott the Hoople and how Freddie practically teased the audience and Cassandra listened like she were listening to the most interesting story he’d ever told. 

“That’s about it really, the only thing was that you weren’t backstage waiting for me, instead I was listening to Roger act like a complete arsehole.”  
  


She smiles softly, “sorry,” she murmured with a slight blush.

“Don’t be, you’re here now and you’ve never left me.”

“I never will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy moly, its been six months since I started this fic and I'm more determined than ever to keep writing this as much as I can. Thank you so much for the kudos, the bookmarks and the comments.. my favourite part about the fic is the comments.. that being said, don't forget to comment folks! :))


	10. Only Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight trigger warning for eating disorders.

_ Addicted _

_ Chapter Nine: Only Friends _

**1974**

**Denver, USA**

* * *

Over the next few days, Cassandra’s sickness had intensified greatly. Had that of been a big enough inconvenience, Brian too was growing sick; though his sickness seemed much different.

He’d woken up one morning in complete agony, hands clutching his abdomen as though his hands were going to stop his guts spilling out. By evening after Queen’s performance, Brian was feeling like crap; weak, and sick. He hadn’t even eaten in two days, but he was determined to continue playing on stage and let whatever he had run its course.

Brian wasn’t bothered about being sick. Yet why was he feeling so uneasy? Was it because he had almost puked on stage in front of the entire crowd earlier? Then being awkwardly seated beside Roger who had his tongue down a groupie’s throat? No, that wasn’t it. No, it had to do with that set up with Cassandra. Them pretending to be completely and utterly platonic to keep everyone away from their secret relationship, it really unearthed some unresolved feelings for him. Of course he liked Cassandra, she was his best friend. She made him laugh, smile, and her encouragement always motivated him to do better. He was always thankful for her and the Bands’ respective friendships. No, this was just friendship. Nothing more. Then again, was it? Why did he always feel drawn to her? What was this flutter in his stomach when she gave him a private smile? Everytime they forgot their friendship and indulged in a secret lovemake, why was he so nervous?

After a few moments, it all hit him. He was smitten. He had probably liked Cassandra for a long while but was too scared to admit it to himself. He was scared of rejection and ruining their friendship. Unlike Roger who was scared of commitment, he was scared of his own feelings. Brian at that moment felt pathetic. He should tell her someday before someone better comes along and spirits her away. How though? How do you tell someone that you love them? Want to be with them? Brian was so lost in his thoughts. That he didn’t notice Cassandra coming up to him.

Cassandra, seeing he was lost in thought, simply grabbed his hand to pull him towards their room. The two moved in sync as if they had been doing this forever. Almost as if they would always be doing this from now until eternity. Once they had reached their room, Brian managed to break out of his thoughts. When he noticed Cassandra’s hand in his, he realized that he wouldn’t actually mind this being a more regular occurrence. Sooner or later, he’d tell her that he loved her and wanted a future with her. For now, he would just pretend everytime they meaninglessly jumped into bed with each other.

* * *

Brian looked around the surroundings of him and Cassandra, her being the centre focus of his surroundings, yammering on about the aesthetic of the local area. He was trying so hard to focus, he really was, but he couldn't help mentally veering off, drifting away to more pleasant memories. Like the one in the plane bathroom. A personal favourite recollection of his…well, most of it.

The hurt in his chest grew when she insisted that they should remain only friends. Then, to prove a platonic point, she had gently pushed him away and went back to cleaning herself at the sink, as if the past ten minutes had been nothing more than a simple handshake.

Brian hadn't known then, but it was the start of an intensely confusing cycle. One that left him craving more, and at the same time wishing he could just walk away. It was becoming emotionally exhausting.

Without fail, the sequence would begin in the same manner, initiated by either him or Cassandra. The slightest touches of the hand or back, ones that could possibly be called accidental. Then later, growing to a soft caress of an arm, or a flirtatious quip when no one else was around. The tension building over a period of days, growing tighter and tighter until one of them eventually snapped.

They would both end up grinding against each other, tearing clothes off, lips ravenous. When the cycle was at it's peak, they didn't care about where they were, only the quickest way to get skin to skin.

Brian grinned to himself, remembering the various places they'd desperately grabbed at one another in the past few weeks…

Every single moment left him with a deep hurt everytime. He would try to give voice to his feelings, to empty his whole heart, but as predictable as the four seasons, she would cover his mouth or shush him. The spectacular finale was when she would utter her guilt-ladden request, "Are we still friends?"

Always friends.

Only friends.

And like the helpless lovesick man he was, unable to tell her no, he gave in each time. Nodding his head, agreeing to be nothing else. They weren't lovers, they weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, they weren't soul mates. Per Cassandra’s insistence, they were still just good friends.

Yet, when she held him tight during those passionate moments, kissing him soundly, clinging to him tight as pleasure rocked through her body…he could easily pretend that they were more.

Cassandra’s annoyed tone cut through Brian’s memories, bringing him back. "Bri, are you even listening to me?"

He shook the thoughts from his head, "I am now, Cassie. Sorry."

"I said it's getting chilly up here. Let's cut for the night," she whined, rubbing her arms through her suddenly tight denim jacket.

He wasn’t one to know how she looked in clothes by memory, but Cassandra had owned that size eight to ten jacket for a few years and everytime she wore it, her body was invisible under the usually loose jacket. But at that moment, it looked as though it was suddenly a nicer fit, emphasising her body shape nicely.

Was she putting on weight? Brian questioned it, she had to of put on a significant amount. Significant enough that she was filling out the way she should have, the way a healthy person should have. And yet, maybe that’s why she seemed so sick, she was unhealthily trying to lose her new weight. Cassandra was Cassandra and her eating disorder was a large part of her, as much as Brian wanted to take her by the shoulders and shake her into seeing her the way the rest of the world saw her, he felt her pain and he felt disillusioned to the extent he was frustrated with himself for being used to Cassandra’s progress and always doubting her when she promised she hadn’t purged or starved herself.

"Yeah, it is a little nippy," Brian agreed, feeling the prickles of cold air blow through his coat.

"Let's go to a restaurant in town, warm up a bit," she said, hooking her arm comfortably with his.

* * *

Brian came out of the bathroom, rubbing his wet hands on the sides of his jeans. It never ceased to amaze him how many restaurants were perpetually out of paper tow -

He froze mid-thought as he glanced across the dining area at their table, noticing an unfamiliar man sitting in his seat.

His seat. Next to Cassandra. Chatting her up. Worst yet, she actually seemed to be enjoying the company. His hands instinctively balled into fists at his side.

Brian eyed the stranger's hand as he reached into the breast pocket of his finely tailored suit and handed Cassandra a pen and a business card. She scribbled on a napkin, handing it to the unknown guy with a smile. A smile she usually reserved only for him. The offending individual winked in her direction, saying something that made her laugh out loud, her blue eyes shining bright.

A jealous fire burned through him then. He knew he had no right to be possessive, no actual "claim" to her. Likewise, she had not voiced any monogamous loyalty to him, but this did not damper his rapidly growing ire. He just thought, that maybe…maybe, she wouldn't want anyone else.

When the man finally walked away, Brian let out a deep breath that he hadn't even known he'd been holding. He took his seat then, not even trying to disguise the bitterness in his voice.

"Well?" He asked, crossing his arms.

Cassandra took a sip of her long island iced tea, looking slightly guilty. "Well, what?"

"Who was that?"

She stirred her drink absently, "His name is John."

Brian piqued an angled eyebrow, "Okay, and?"

A deep blush crept up her cheeks at his words and she looked away from him, "He wanted to well, you know, see me before we leave."

Despite hearing her say it with his own ears, he couldn't quite comprehend her meaning. "Like a date?"

She intentionally didn't answer his question, and silently picked at her salad.

That feeling of sheer relief when you wake up from a really horrendous nightmare, and you realise it was just a dream? Brian felt as though he had just woken up from a perfect dream and found himself in a really horrendous nightmare - except it's not a nightmare, it is his actual reality, and it's lasted months. Literally the worst pain he had ever felt without realising it.

His heart and head hurt, an emptiness grew in Brian’s stomach. The mere idea of the woman he knew his feelings for had been dismissed royally and thrown straight back like a yo-yo had made him simply feel inadequate in almost every aspect. Standing speechlessly, he questioned his self worth, his value, and that ability to ever be enough for someone

* * *

"A date, Cassandra? Really?"

She stood next to the cheap hotel mirror, smoothing on fresh lipstick, "It's not that big of a deal, Brian."

At least, it shouldn't be.

Dinner had remained quiet and strained, the tension increasing once they were back in the privacy of their shared hotel room.

Brian’s hair was messy, due to him continually running his hands through it, "I know we've never said anything…about…what's between us. But, I thought it was special. An unspoken thing."

Cassandra closed her lips on a tissue to rid of excess lipstick, trying to hide her face from him. She didn't want Brian to see that it had been special for her too. Their passionate moments had meant a lot to her, actually. Couldn't he understand that that in itself was the problem?

She bit back how she really felt, trying to cover it up with a haughty attitude. "We agreed that we aren't together, Brian. I don't see the problem. I can date anyone I want, and so can you."

"I don't want anyone else," he growled, gritting his teeth.

She tried to ignore the flutter in her heart caused by the sincerity of his words. When she wasn't able to bear the pressure of his stare any longer, she turned to the mirror again to freshen up her mascara, "Don't you have to meet the boys."

Brian’s gaze narrowed and his jaw tensed. "Alright," he said, words dripping with venom, "But whatever happens, don’t bother."

She refused to give in to his goading and continued putting on her make-up with a straight face and a well-prac tised hand. When she heard Brian leave the room, slamming the door behind him, she had to blink back the tears for fear of it smudging.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please comment what you think.


	11. All Kinds of Wrong

_Addicted_

_Chapter Ten: All Kinds of Wrong_

**1974**

**Denver, USA**

* * *

Cassandra didn’t like the club that John had brought them to. 

It was the definition of the word “seedy”, its walls dingy and patrons dingier. Beer and cocktails sloshed in cups as the sea of bodies swayed and Cassandra could tell she would have to take at least two showers when she got back to the hotel. John paid no mind to the tension in Cassandra’s hand as he pulled her to the bar. 

Wiping away liquid mascara from her cheeks with the back of her sweat coated hand, she clicks her tongue like a business dealer awaiting the deal drops to arrive. She could feel the heats of bodies that brushed against hers like hard bristle, the sweat and heat of another radiating into her own leaving an uneasy feeling of nausea and overheat. 

The smell hit her nostrils, beer and cigarette smoke, it was a thickness that suffocated her lungs practically fatally. Growing up with young Parents, many assumed Cassandra would be accustomed to the sight of drink damaging a life just as the majority of Youth are forever under the influence of hardcore beer and partying. Her parents had been nothing of that sort and she had never seen the devil's liquid until she was probably sixteen and she was the one inhaling it in her Friend's kitchen. 

“Come on, we need to break the ice and loosen up!” John said before quickly ordering two drinks. Cassandra rolled her eyes and huffed a bit but still took the glass that was pressed into her hand. 

“This really isn’t my thing.” Though they were a bit farther from the crowd and glaring lights now that they were seated, it was still enough that she could feel the beginnings of a headache in her temples.

“Sure, sure, later on we’ll do whatever boring thing you want to do, but right now we drink!” John punctuated this by downing his cocktail and raising the glass triumphantly, not putting it down until Cassandra sighed,, and did the same. The burn didn’t settle well in her mouth, but she supposed that it made sense. Alcohol is ultimately a poison that, on occasion, she willingly ingested for its effects. The fact that it burned meant it would calm her down more. At least, that’s what Roger said every time he brought beers to Brian’s place or she went out with the boys. 

It did calm her down, in the end. She felt buzzed after a few drinks, floaty and fuzzy at the edges but still in control enough to sit up straighter and tell John she probably shouldn’t have any more.

“What? No, c’mon one more,” John slurred at her. Cassandra made a show of sighing loudly and calling over the bartender for one last drink. John cheered and clapped his hands together like a drunken seal, a sight which wrenched at something in Cassandra’s chest. John grabbed the drinks from the bartender and handed Cassandra her drink, only spilling a bit in his rush to give her the drink. 

“Cheers,” Cassandra said, clinking her glass with John’s. The drink tasted a bit strange, but it wasn’t weird enough to not write it off as some bartender’s mistake. It was only when the world tilted as Cassandra stood up to leave that she realized something was wrong. She braced her arm against the counter and shut her eyes tight as her vision twisted and bent. When it subsided a bit she managed to bite out a quiet, “I’m going to use the phone” and tried to make her way to the door. The last thing she could remember before everything went dark was a group of women rushing to her side to stop her from falling over. 

* * *

It felt wrong. All wrong.

It was all kinds of Wrong.

She hadn't meant to take it this far with John, but after a few drinks, it had seemed like a good idea. Before losing the ability to judge her actions, Cassandra had seen this as a prime opportunity to push her feelings for Brian down deep, very deep. Denial right now kept her heart safe.

After all, John was charming, handsome, and successful.

Who wouldn't be interested? 

So when he leaned in to kiss her, gently taking her wrist to lead her back to his plush office for more privacy, she eagerly followed.

The moment that the door closed behind them, his hands were tugging at her shirt, his fingers unhooking her bra with expertise. His skill and speed at undressing her had Cassandra guessing that she was far from the first woman to be brought back here, and was certain she'd be equally far from the last.

Oh well, he did have a talented mouth…

While she was still standing, John left her lips and kissed across her jaw, trailing down her throat, and moving slowly downwards, his tongue teasing each nipple to a point.

But it felt off, unnatural somehow. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

John dropped to his knees in front of her, as if in worship, while he shimmied her skirt down her legs. Cassandra squeezed her eyes shut, maybe if she pretended it was Brian this would be better, more enjoyable. If he had been the one kissing down her body she'd be a shivering mess by now, completely unable to stand on her own two legs.

At that same moment, she felt John’s prickly mustache against her stomach and it was the final straw. She just couldn't do this. She had a good imagination, but in all truth, he wasn't Brian.

This was so wrong, in every way possible. Why did she think this was such a swell idea?

* * *

Cassandra came crashing through the door a little past midnight, removing her heels, and tossing her purse in a corner. She glanced at Brian’s side of the room, feeling a cozy warm feeling in her soul when she saw him sitting in bed, book in hand.

"Hey," she said with a smile, "I'm back."

He didn't bother to look up, "I've been busy hanging out with my friends."

Cassandra sat down on her own uncomfortable mattress, slipping her jacket down her shoulders. "I didn't mean to stay out so late. We had dinner and drinks and-"

"Where's your bra, Cassandra?" Brian cut in, not interested in letting her finish.

She lifted an eyebrow and glanced down at her own chest, her nipples clearly pebbling under her top from the chilly room air. She blushed a bright red.

"Did you leave it at his flat?" Brian asked, his voice hard as stone.

She did in fact leave her bra at John’s office, when she'd pushed him away and dressed in a hurry, desperate to get out of there. John hadn’t liked that idea, he turned, and Cassandra ended up having to smack him across the face before getting out of his flat with a wave of dizziness and nausea. She didn't want to mention any of this to Brian, however. She was scarred from the encounter, she hadn’t expected John to turn, shouting and yelling names and throwing things as she ran.

She crossed her arms across her breasts, her tone just as icy, "It's none of your business where my bra is."

They glared at each other, the silence between them somehow deafening.

"If I'd known how easy it was to get with you," Brian sneered, "I'd have done it and ditched you years ago."

Cassandra’s jaw dropped at his harshness, her mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. Instead of retorting, she leaned over and switched off the light to her side of the room. She could’ve sworn her heart shattered as the words replayed in her mind.

"I'm going to bed now," was all she said.

* * *

He could hear Cassandra’s hitched breathing from across the room. Brian couldn't see her, as she was facing the opposite direction, but he knew she was crying. And the fact that he was the cause of it made his chest tighten with regret.

He'd won, hadn't he? He'd sure put Cassandra in her place. It was all her fault anyway, dragging him along all this time, making him feel used. Making him feel like she actually cared. She deserved what she got.

Her fault. Her fault. Her fault.

So why did he feel like such an asshole?

For a second, he considered crawling into her bed, holding her close, and whispering apology after apology into her ear. He wanted to move his hands to intimate places that only he should touch, kiss her lips until she begged him to take her, if only once more.

But he didn't.

Instead, Brian rolled over in bed, facing the wall, and fell into a restless sleep while listening to Cassandra’s muffled sobs.

* * *

Brian wasn't sure how late it was when he woke, only that the hotel room was still dark. The lone source of light being a thin fluorescent beam coming from the window.

He curled inside the blanket, preparing to go back to sleep, when he heard Cassandra’s soft voice calling out for him, "Bri? Are you awake?"

He didn't answer.

"Brian?" She tried again.

No. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to give her the satisfaction. Let her stew in this turmoil of her own design.

Cassandra’s hushed statement was anxious, almost pleading, "I know you're not sleeping," she exhaled deeply, "Because you snore."

He remained quiet, and Brian could hear the rustle of her sheets and then the sounds of her feet walking across the hotel carpet. She stopped beside his bed, and despite his better judgment he rolled over to face her.

She stood before him, partially illuminated in the beam of light. Cassandra’s silk nightgown clung to her body and accentuated her delicate body. Her hair perfectly framed her face, even being unbrushed and straight from bed. Brian couldn't help but think that she was utterly beautiful at her most vulnerable moments.

Cassandra bit her bottom lip nervously, "Just one more time?"

No. No more. All it did was offer a temporary reprieve until she broke his heart all over again. It was akin to torture.

Apparently his brain and his mouth weren't connected, and it shocked him when he heard his own voice whisper, "Okay."

He didn't want to watch as she grasped the hem of her gown and flipped it off over her head, revealing herself to be completely naked underneath. Yet, like his mouth, his eyes had a will of their own and he stared greedily.

Then she climbed onto his bed, kneeling in front of him as she pressed her face close, placing soft kisses on his cheek and on his soft, rosy lips. Her hands gently caress the bare, lightly tanned skin of his bony chest. Sleepily, he opened his eyes fully to find Cassandra nibbling on his neck hungrily and desperately, and he answered with a low groan.

Hearing it vibrate in her ears made her moan lightly in response, caressing his pale chest going lower. 

He spread his legs wide while she pressed moist kisses on his collarbone, and down between his chest, enjoying his mildly fragrant and warm skin in such close proximity.

Her swollen lips pressed against his bare chest before she smacked a moist kiss on his right nipple, and he made a gentle gasp in response. Then she took a minute to pull down his pyjama trousers and pull them off with his plain boxers, revealing his man-meat already growing hard in arousal. Her fingers teasingly ran down the light trail of hair, leading to a soft bush of dark pubes surrounding that part of Brian that's possibly bigger than his hands - his cock. Springing and slapping against his stomach the more she fondled him.

Cassandra climbed up and over, guiding him into herself, sinking down on his length slowly, adjusting to the angle.

"Touch me," she begged, "…please…"

No. He didn't want to encourage her. If Cassandra wanted empty emotionless fucking, well, that's just what she was going to get.

His hands, though, moved of their own accord to knead her breasts, before sliding down to cup the cheeks of her ass.

She leaned forward, her hair cascading around his face like their own private cavern. The lavender scent of her shampoo was strong, and he inhaled deeply to bring as much of her inside himself as possible.

She brushed her lips gently against his, whispering, "Friends?"

Absolutely not. He was so beyond that. Brian had no idea what they were, but they certainly were not friends anymore.

Instead of answering her in the usual manner, He suddenly thrusted his hips upwards, going unexpectedly deep. He grinned when Cassandra gasped in suprise, placing her hands on his chest to steady herself.

He was still angry. She could tell.

They locked eyes as she rode him, and she quickly looked away. His gaze had always been kind and honest, speaking of something unspoken, but now they held an emotion that Cassandra couldn't name. It made her shiver, knowing that the unknown emotion was directed at her.

Brian’s hands were normally gentle and soothing, but currently, they were rough. His thrusts went just a little too deep, his fingers digging into her hips just a little too hard, and when he leaned up to catch her nipple with his mouth, she felt his teeth graze instead of his tongue.

"Did he…did he touch you like this?" Brian’s breathing was ragged.

"No."

"Don't…don't lie to me Cassandra." His statement was punctuated by several deep movements making her moan.

"I'm not," she tried to catch her breath, "I'm not lying." She really was being truthful.

Without a warning, he rolled them both over, having her head to the pillows with his weight pressing on top. He took her mouth forcefully, making it more of a claim, than a kiss. Brian picked up his pace, going faster, while she pulled him close, enduring his nearly savage onslaught. She had never seen him lose control like this before. It both thrilled and frightened her, knowing that she was the cause of it all.

"Do you think that cunt will even remember your name in a week?" Brian growled, "A month?"

She tried to respond, but all she could do was groan. She was so close...

"But I will," he gasped out in between pants, "I will remember you forever. You mean something to me."

She closed her eyes and dug her nails into his back, subconsciously trying to pull him deeper. His voice, his truths, his mouth, his hands, his cock…it all was too much. When she came it felt like she was consumed by a white fire, the intensity of it quite close to pain.

As she came down from her heights, she noticed he was close too, his thrusts becoming sharper. He pulled out of her abruptly, his face contorting in pleasure as he spilled his release onto her thigh, murmuring her name like a mantra.

For some reason, this simple action stunned her. Ever since their first time together, Brian had always finished inside, but this was different. It felt impersonal, as if this entire physical act had been only that, just a physical act. It stung, like a metaphorical slap to the face.

But this is what she wanted, right? For them to be good friends, not lovers. So, why would she expect him to be passionate?

Afterwards, Brian would usually pull her close, stroke her hair, and whisper sweet nothings until her eyes grew heavy. Not tonight, however. He laid down beside her, pulling the blankets tight around himself, and turned over to face the wall again.

She waited for Brian to say something, anything, but he never did. After several minutes of silence, his breathing evened out, and he began to snore softly. His sudden dismissal of her rocked Cassandra to the core, leaving her woefully unsatisfied.

Disappointed for reasons she couldn't explain, she climbed out of his bed quietly, being careful not to wake him as she wiped the mess off her thigh with his sheet. Reaching around on the floor for her nightgown, she pulled it back on before sliding into her own bed, lost in her thoughts.

Of all the times they'd done this, she had never left him feeling...scummy, and right now she did. She felt almost dirty. And all Brian had done was follow her precise instructions.

Cassandra sighed and covered her face with a pillow. Something needed to be done about this situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to comment!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Don't know if you liked it but please comment your thoughts on this ! I swear it'll get interesting soon !!


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